10 months.........

So my story began 10 months ago.....on a Thursday night.....after dinner....with my daughter lying on the living room floor....a play doh eye on her face, waiting to play a prank on her dad.....and it began with him coming in through our slider from being on the phone outside, with a look on his face, I will never forget as long as I live....a look that is forever burned in my mind and heart....a look that immediately sparked dread and fear deep in my soul......a look that sparked an awareness in me that life would never be the same again....not ever......but fortunately this story did not stay in the pain and suffering and horror of that night for very long.....it has been transformed into a story that has evolved beyond its ugly beginning and found its way out of the darkness and into the light:) In 10 months there is not much about my life that resembles the life I had that night.....that I recognize from those days when he was here.......the life I had that night consisted of a much older feeling in my soul....a more tired feeling deep inside of me.......a woman that was running so fast and so hard to save her marriage.....to stop the bleed.......to right the ship......and no matter how hard she tried her goal was never realized......and that woman needed freeing.....she needed desperately to be cut loose from the duty she had......the duty to keep trying and working so hard to save her marriage and family.....when she was the only one doing it and didn't even realize..........and that is exactly what happened.....she was FREED!!!!!!!!!!!! Freed to live a life that fills her up....one that resonates in her soul.....one that feels more like her than anything in her entire life ever has.....and in the days ever since she has found magic.....hope....light....energy.....purpose......self love........inspiration........she has found a life that makes her feel proud and excited.......one that brings peace and joy to her days......one that seems like enough right in this moment but the notion that more of all those things lie ahead makes her feel as if she has struck gold:) The feeling has been here all along.....since he left.......that something is pulling me forward to some beautiful and fulfilled future spot......I have mentioned it in my blog before....like an invisible cord is attached to me.....leading me and pulling me ahead.....and I am starting to be able to see more clearly where that magical and blessed place is.....a place I am already wildly grateful for even though I have yet to stand in it.....but when you have suffered so exquisitely, so intensely, and the suffering ebbs......and you are no longer suffering in the same way.....or not much at all.....the relief is magnificent....and then to not just get relief but find a way to thrive is just WOW! Incredible feeling.....and here I am.....a runner.....a fit mama....a healthy mama.......a blogger......a meditator....an avid hiker.....a peaceful mama........soon to be a life coach.......just AHHHHHH! PINCH ME......this is my life by design.....an INTENTIONAL life and I am not giving it back....;-) NOT EVER......I want to keep becoming more and more conscious......more and more lit up by the life that is unfolding!!! More and more me.....the me that lives inside and has all along:)