The other woman.......

I know right? I am going here.......as I said I don't choose my blogs they choose me.....this one was nudging me in the shower this morning.......so here it goes......Once upon a time I would have told you that the "other woman" was a mythical creature, much bigger, much stronger, much prettier, much better than me.......I mean she must be right? If MY husband chose her??? If he continues to choose her all those things must be so true? Wrestling with all those things is brutal........ painful in ways I cannot even describe...... And once upon a time, turns out none of those things are accurate.......not even one.........like I could not be more wrong........You see when your husband gives his attention and energy to another it is nearly impossible to not take that personally......because every bit of it feels personal. REALLY PERSONAL....... However through a series of events and the road I have been traveling, I have found that none of those things I once thought are true at all......the only thing I know for certain though is there is clearly something about her that he feels he needs..........I may know that one day, I may not.....either way it doesn't matter because I have come to learn that what has happened has nothing to do with me.....not in a real way......It also doesn't necessarily have much to do with her either in a direct way.........it has EVERYTHING to do with HIM, HIS demons.........and something about her exercises those demons for him.......However saying all that doesn't change a few simple facts......The fact remains I would be lying if I said I am not angry with her, if I didn't feel like she went after my family and destroyed it, that she went after my life hard, trying to win, trying to destroy......trying to take my husband.......that what she has done is not atrocious......morally wrong on every single level.......yeah I would be lying if I didn't share those feelings......all true.....I promised to be honest and here it is.......However what I can also say clearly is that if my husband wasn't who he is at this moment in time, susceptible to all of those things.....we would not be here. The responsibility lies with him in my mind ultimately........ The love I need in my life is from a man that wouldn't be so easily swayed by such things in this life.....that would be incapable of being lured away.....a man that is strong against those influences, a man that truly belongs to me mind, body, and soul......So do I blame her? Yeah I guess some, but I blame him more.......this is on him.......Did she win? Yeah nah.......there is no winning or losing in such a situation, it should not be viewed in that light at all.......All I can say in the last month is that I am gaining more than I have lost............