So each day through this I have had a moment or a situation that requires me to face who I am......like the real me, not the one that is assaulted daily by unimaginable nonsense and horror....which is happening daily no matter the decisions I am making........it is so hard to describe the feeling you have when your life takes on a vibe you don't recognize.......one that you wouldn't have chosen, and one you cannot control.....it is a fight to remain true to me, and use the stuff I am made of to make it through it all.....it requires all the courage and strength I can to walk this walk with my head held high..... and be proud of the choices I have made, and remain true to my heart......because my heart is not his heart at the moment, not even close.........and trying to battle with a tender heart and a clear head is harder with somebody who is not choosing the same.......but each day I keep being struck by what we are made of and that the strength of the human spirit is really quite remarkable.....the strength and resolve that can be found in your spirit is really humbling.....I am so grateful that I can find it in my weakest moments....when I am certain I cannot handle another thing, when I feel like if one more thing comes to find me it may break me.......but it never does.......I seem to be able to harness that pain and suffering and transform it into the strength, strength to take good care of my kids, love on them, to keep my house picked up and pulled together for the most part, throw laundry in, to make it through my work day, to run after a long day on very little sleep, or to blog with my whole heart when my heart is breaking.......somehow I have tapped into that extra spot that God allows where I can do all of those things even though my spirit feels depleted......I now belong to a divorce group on Facebook and I cannot tell you how many women are walking my same journey......SO many of them.....it is actually shocking.....t is so so sad to hear all their stories. All the stories slightly different, with different circumstances, but ultimately they are all the same.....same heartache, same mountain to climb, same kids to care of, same broken hearts to heal.....I pray for them too, each day that they can find that place, the place that sustains them, the place that helps them do the things they need to to survive this part of their journey....the parts of us that we are ALL made of.........
jperuso
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