I have thought of this over this year.....that as the love you share with another person....your person fades, and in some cases feels gone, where does it go? Love is energy like anything else and energy doesn't stop? So to have love vanish completely maybe is not possible....hard to say.......but where it goes when you feel the absence of it is interesting to me.....and what makes it leave.......love is maybe one of the most interesting human conditions......our ability to love......it is such an abstract thought......and feeling.....but yet we all know when it comes to find us.......understanding when love touches our lives......and sometimes I wonder if it is a created force......one we create and mirror in another.....that the love we bring for them is what exists primarily......beyond their love of us......that the way our love looks and feels......is more about us than the person we love? That the beautiful reflection we create of them is what carries our heart........what shapes the love we feel......because most of what we feel about those we love.......is created in our mind.....it is the story we tell ourselves about the person.......what we believe of them........what we hope is true in some cases.......and I think for me......after my marriage ended......I realized much of the love I carried was an illusion to some degree......that maybe some of what I thought just wasn't true........can't be now.......based on what has happened and continues to.....so some of the beautiful love I felt I was experiencing in my life was a mirage of sorts......and that is tough.......but also kinda beautiful......it is beautiful to love somebody as their best self.....it is part of my superpower tool box.......I tend to see the best in people......no matter what.....giving them the benefit of the doubt......many chances.....maybe too many......but seeing them in this beautiful light that is created in my heart.....and for sure it has gotten me hurt in this life.......more than once......but I don't think I will ever stop doing it.......because even though it may be too generous of a gift to give somebody at times......it sometimes works to help them step forward into that light and live in that way.......and feel that I love them.....in that beautiful space......but that superpower comes with another side......when I am done......and the light I have created goes out......it is done........I no longer see things in that space anymore......and that is where I am now with him........I am clear and very aware of what is real versus what I believed to be true........and when that happens the light goes out and fades and I guess love goes with it.......I will always care if he is OK......will always want good things for him in his life......so he can be his best self for our kids......but the he and I stuff is gone......gone forever........he has extinguished it for good.......and sometimes I wish he had loved himself as I did all those years.......his experience in this world would have been so different.......if only we could give another human that gift right? To love them as we do.....boy this world would be something! But we can't.......we can only love people to the capacity that we do.......and they can only love us back to the capacity they can......and I suppose I will never stop seeing the best in the humans that I cross paths with........or any future love that finds me.......not allowing this to ruin that in me......love is the most powerful thing we do in this life.....and we should be loving people hard and completely.......whenever we can no matter what!
jperuso
Commenti