Yesterday.........

Yesterday was such a challenging day. Lots of moving parts and I was feeling kinda overwhelmed and drained some. Gabe is sick. He tested negative for Covid which I figured he would, since he just had it......but he has a hold of some nasty sorta crud........and is sicker than he was when he had Covid......so that is always challenging when he gets sick and now even more so.......I have taken off of work so much this year for all sorts of Rona related instances and my time is dwindling. I was grateful my mom was able to take him to the doctor yesterday. They swabbed him for a whole bunch of stuff and we will wait and see......he is supposed to see his dad this weekend. Their weekend has been cancelled so much due to our Covid stuff and other circumstances.....and he is wanting to see them, and willing to take them, and help if Gabe is sick too....so that was wearing on me, the pressure I felt in trying to help Gabe feel better before Saturday so he can enjoy this weekend with his dad........and then I got some concerning news that sort of made me scratch my head and made me a little nervous........and a bunch of tiny aggravations in between........so all of those things came to find me, and really I am just trying to work and endure at work, and get through this crazy school year, and it feels super challenging to do that.......on a good day......so it was one of those days where the stuff piles and it threatens to bury us alive......just feeling like too much, all at once.....and poking stuff in us that are stresses and worries......and the stimulation I was getting from every direction felt like a lot.....and at the end of the day.....when I finally sat down......I was able to take a deep breath......and let go of all of it.......nothing to be done......it is all here, sitting and looking at me......and I will deal with the challenges one by one......and getting ramped up, tense, and stressed is not the way......letting go.......accepting........coming up with a viable plan.....those are the ways.........and as far as I have come in these notions......and in these lessons.......I still forget sometimes.....allow the wave of nonsensical stuff sweep me up for a moment.......rattle my peace.....threaten the position I have fought so hard for.......but it is in the things we cannot change.....the ones we have to accept......where true peace is found.......that is true......and it only requires catching ourselves before we spin too far in it........and I was proud of myself yesterday.....the old me would have allowed myself to get a little more stuck in it all.....and give it more weight and opportunity to take over.....and I stood up to it all........and said no to it last night.....found my center and peace......did what I could and let the rest go........I am hoping today is a better day for my boy, that he feels a bit better, he is so excited to see his dad and I really want him to be able to enjoy it......that is my prayer.......