FREEDOM.........

I have been thinking of that word......what does it mean to feel free? How do we arrive in a place in our lives where we feel that way......I suppose part of freedom arrives when we choose to be ourselves......when we live in our most authentic selves.....no matter what......that most definitely brings us a deep freedom......but it is more than that.......I have felt freer this year than I have in a long time.....and part of that is showing up as me, every day, no matter what, and not worrying what other people say or think......single most freeing thing I have ever done in all my life.......but now after this week I feel more freedom touching down in my soul.........I have let go of so much in the last 15 months.......just released anything causing me pain and suffering.......and allowing it to go......and in learning how to let go.....and release old stuff, I have become free........so this week as I joyfully released my marriage for good, and my ties to him in every way........except our children......I got to taste that last bit of freedom......and damn it tastes good........better than I could ever imagined on that night he walked out the door.......the night I lied in bed crying rivers of tears......I never could have imagined arriving here......and not all that long after that......15 months is not a long time, in a real sense.......and I am not the same person.....the woman on that night did not yearn for freedom......she did not want that for her life......she didn't even know that was an option......but this woman knows the power of freedom and it is intoxicating.....and won't be easily given up or changed.....unless it is for a spectacular thing, one that sweeps her up.....but one that also allows her freedom within that magnificent space......but for now my freedom I hold dear......I earned every single bit of it......paid for it with everything I held dear......a high price......and once you work so hard to be free, feel that freedom.....it is hard to think of surrendering it.......I was also thinking of freedom and peace......and how maybe they are more similar than we would think.......or that peace arrives on the wings of freedom.....that peace arrives on these other lessons we learn in life.......peace comes on the wings of gratitude........of hope........of faith........of kindness......of all the good stuff.....and maybe if we can learn to practice these things.......every day.......peace will land in our lives as a result of all those other things.........people will start to say stuff about my ex, and things I should be angry about, or talk to him about.......and I stop them and say it doesn't matter......it is not worth it......I am letting it go........not giving it the space to upset me or rattle my cage.....and as things settle between he and I.......I enjoy the peace that has found its way there too......between us.......somehow........there is a new normal that has settled as we have let go too........there is still a mountain of unsaid words........just sitting there......and maybe they will stay there for life......and that fact used to rob my peace......make me feel trapped......but I have learned to find freedom despite that..........learned to cut the ties that bind without getting what I thought I needed.......just by shifting my mindset.....and as I type this......maybe freedom lies in our minds......not subject to what happens to us at all......what is going on.......but how we view the world......and it is as simple as that.......as for me.....in this moment.......as I type this......sipping my coffee......listening to music........looking out my french door at the beautiful trees out in my backyard.....and the sun peeking through........I feel about as free as a person can feel......and for today that is more than enough:)