She rounded the corner.......

Mads that is:) I had written about her struggles with separation anxiety and struggling in the mornings with school and with missing her dad.....and it has gotten much better in the last few weeks.....and I am happy for her......my heart feeling more settled for her.....she was really struggling and my heart broke for the struggle......I am not sure what made the difference.....we had many talks about it all, worked through a lot of it, and she is getting a ride from a different mom who is also a single mom, and she has become friendly with the daughter too.....so perhaps the combination of it all was the trick.....I am also still in the process of seeking help for her to talk some of it out.....she and I talk quite a bit, but I want her to have any tools she can to navigate it all......I worry about the impact it will all have on her in the long term.....and the absorption of the trauma of it all on such a little brain.....she was only 4 when he left, right before her 5th birthday and she remembers it all....her memory is like nothing I have ever seen.....she recounts stories of things we all did together when she was so small.....so this will stay with her no doubt and I want to give her a head start in the healing.......but I am encouraged that she seems to be doing much better as of late and navigating it all in a much better space .....and the separation stuff seems to have died down and settled in......she enjoys the time with her dad immensely and when she gets home she is sad but is able to move through it pretty well now.....it is so painful to think of as I type this, the damage that has befallen my kids......and how that is the last thing I ever wanted for them.....I wanted so desperately for them to grow up in a home with a family in tact, a house filled with love, and healthy relationships between the parents, all of it........and yet here we are....and I guess that wish I have for them can still be realized in some form.....but it will be me showing them that in the day to day.......I was wondering again yesterday what they will think of when they think of this time in their lives.....will they remember the struggle parts, our challenges, or will they think of all of our adventures.....and how hard I tried......just endless trying to make this all as OK as it can be.....I hope they remember lots of the good stuff alongside the challenges we faced....together.......Gabe seems to be doing pretty well too with it all.......and I am hopeful that healing is finding them in the things we are doing and the decisions that we make.....we are a team, no question.....and all I want for them is to grow up and feel peace in their day to day and joy and know how fiercely loved they are each and every single day........