SHH!!! PLEASE!!

I have made no secret of my love affair with language.....it started the moment I learned to read.....an experience I vividly remember......instantly captivated by the power that words held.....and the escape that could be found in them.....and certainly everybody that knows me, knows how I feel about communication in all of its forms......in some ways my never feeling fully satiated.....which sounds weird right? Like don't you get talked out, or communicated out Jenn? And the answer is often no......I have an incredible need, desire, and capacity for all of it, and all things information......and it is just how I came in, factory settings and all;-).....this blog finding me at the perfect moment.....a place to release the valve....to let some of it out......like a dog being taken out for exercise;-) Needing to run themselves tired to feel peace.......my using this blog, exercise, and meditation to balance the energy that lives in my communication center in my mind.....and it has worked! My mind is the most peaceful and healthy that it has ever been, and to you it may sound weird....but for me it makes perfect sense:) However having said ALL of that.....and again I apologize, geez, lol ;-) I say that to say that I am learning..........finally.......that I need to show discernment when it comes to my communicating......I feel SO comfortable in my ability to communicate, and with communicating in general......holding this deep belief that you can communicate ANYTHING if you carefully craft your words......or say it just right........or come from a gentle and pure place......an authentic and real place......loving and kind, and well.......that IS true! I have had that proven to me many of times, BUT..........for that to be true the person receiving that communication has to also be in that place.....and MANY people are not:( and I have learned that often too, and in some cases practiced, silence over futile words......and I fully admit that that awareness has often reached me, after it is too late......my already pouring endless energy, and trying to fulfill my desire to bridge a gap....and finding frustration as I am banging my head.....and words into the void.....and I fully own all of that......it is one of those things that lives deeply inside of me......alongside the blind spot I sometimes have for people, being blinded so fully by the beauty I SEE beneath their bullshit.....and having it color everything else, to my detriment.....it is from that same place;-) I always think if I find the RIGHT words.....move with pure motives then...........and well I have had that proven to me often, that that is just not so.......a person's ability to receive a message.......no matter how pure........or carefully crafted, is subject to their own internal state of being......period......and while I will never believe that one should stop trying to impart understanding, or solve disputes, using kind and high lined communication.....sometimes it is not possible.....and so this year, I have decided.......that I will no longer frustrate myself......NO more........as soon as that resistance arrives, or I get an indication that it will be futile, I won't even try......I will settle, surrender if you will, into silence......and regain my peace......not wasting my word wielding;-) It just isn't worth it.......not anymore.........I think I have finally learned that lesson.....and maybe that is the lesson, that comes to me in that last keystroke;-) (Still love when that happens, when you write you HEAR yourself so much more deeply:) The lesson is that SILENCE is equally as powerful as a thousand beautifully crafted words.........just being quiet, letting SILENCE SPEAK........and so I am the first to admit that that needs to come into better balance within me.....for sure......and accepting that the need is SO REAL.......I cannot stress that enough.......but as I step into this year, I am no longer wasting my energy on people or places that cannot hear me..... practicing discernment on when to act.....and when to be quiet......and it is not easy to know when to choose either.....that is for sure......and I am also not wasting energy on mean spirited people......anybody that doesn't lead with kindness and compassion..... just isn't worth it....not anymore.......life is too precious, too beautiful, too much of so many amazing things to waste any energy on people that view the world from a mean spirited place, and negative and ugly place.....I wish them well, healing all of it, and move along......it ALL matters.......what we surround ourselves dictates the quality of our lives......I truly believe that, and have had that proven to me.....my health soaring in every way when that shifted for me......so I am speaking to myself this morning.....choosing silence over words, practicing the yin to my verbose yang;-) Wish me luck, I will need it! Lol:) Happy Wednesday! xoxo