The "crazy" ex........

There is an epidemic of people hurting other people, lying, deceiving, betraying and then painting the person they did all that to, as their "crazy" ex.......and I see it so often in the lives that I walk in......and in the women I coach, and I have seen and felt it in my own life.....being villainized in the aftermath of the heinous stuff that happened to me......and for me it holds no bearing, or weight, not anymore.....when people do things that are really horrid, they are often unable to take the accountability, and own those things.....because then they would need to look at it all, and change, or do the real work of atonement, and that often is way too much work and too real for them, so spinning a tale that exonerates them by making somebody else look bad serves them much better, and let's face it, is way easier.......it really is as simple as that......and I have to say the first time I encountered this it was absolutely breathtakingly painful and shocking, like what?????? The nerve and injustice of it felt big and heavy, but it no longer feels that way, my life speaks for itself, the quality of it, the joy found in it, the peace, success of it, all of it......:) BUT I will say that when it happens it is the final betrayal........the last disloyal thing, and maybe the biggest of them all, and I now know that much of what I was told about other women was all a lie too......the spinning of tales about them that were completely unfair, and mostly untrue.....and I am certain I have joined the ranks, having untrue tales spun about me too.....when a person has a pattern, it usually continues, unless things touch down that change their lives......But I write about this today to shed light in a dark part of this world....and give a voice to the women I serve......it is so sad for them to take on that final piece......I was just talking to a client recently about it, which is how it stepped into the forefront......and I know that as I was fed untrue stories about women, they were likely feeling that too, likely knowing that he was sharing his deceptive spin on it all.....and in the dating world that is a flag for me......how their ex is painted, and spoken about.....what level of respect lie there? Even in my own story, despite all that has happened, I am still able to offer up respect in those places......not willing to sink low, into all of that, jokes with my closest friends aside lol:) But in all seriousness......if you are reading and painting somebody as a villain and in an untrue light because YOU did a whole bunch of deceptive things to them.....please don't........not only is it wrong.....in every way......but it is also not a good look...... it is like saying to somebody "Hey babe, you are standing on my foot, could you step back." A minute later still on your foot.......you ask kindly again......this time saying "hey it is really hurting me," and they don't move......and then finally your voice raises....."Get off my foot, ouch!'......and they turn and look at you and say......"See......look at you and the way you are acting"......and that might be the most toxic traits of them all.....passive aggressively hurting somebody over and over, or sometimes even aggressively doing it, and then making them the bad guy......and when that comes, we are called to sit back in the truth......I know what the full truth of all I have experienced is.....it is crystal clear, and I used to say the truth is the truth, and a lie is a lie and will never be less true, even if you repeat it 100 times.....the people in my life, all of them, will tell you that I am honest, loyal, and trustworthy, perhaps to a fault;-) And how I live my life and treat others speaks for itself, and that is all that matters to me truly, is how you treat another person.......And I know that my being met with some of the deepest deception in this life was to further my purpose, shining light in my own life, in places I needed to see, needed to be able to understand, needed to FEEL, so that I can hold space for others......and be strong enough to stand in my own truth, even if somebody tries to take cheap shots under the weight of THEIR actions......and I have learned to do that......at first it was devastating, and hurt my heart so much.......but now it doesn't affect me so much, creating thicker skin in this chapter for sure lol:)......the actions people choose are a direct reflection of them, and the content of their character.....so if you are reading and also feeling so hurt because you have been painted in a light that is untrue.....let it go.....things have a way of working themselves out.....and staying on the high road is the better way....focusing on yourself.....the quality of your life and healing, and let the rest be worked out by the powers that be.....the truth is the truth......and dishonesty has never brought anybody to a life they want......and as I sit here this morning and having shared all of this, I also hold no ill will to anybody that has done what I described......there is no room in my heart and soul for ill will, I mean that so sincerely......I just wish healing.....deep healing to undo whatever caused this pattern. Amen......xoxo