You make me uncomfortable......

The human condition and psychology is fascinating truly.....the more I learn, the more I seek to learn.....and truthfully all of the hours of therapy, and study I have done has helped me more than anything I have done to heal....because when you truly discover that what people do is a direct reflection of their internal state, it takes the sting out of it. And helps ease unnecessary hurt, because most of the time it isn't about you.....it is about their emotional landscape......their fears....their demons.....their own worldview.....when I am in love, I feel the magic, the light.....the adventure.....the sweetness....all of it.....but I now realize that that is mostly to do with me.....because that is my worldview, that is my own experience in my own life.....and I am bringing my sunny and mostly positive view to the party, and sitting in the sun, until I have had partners squash that with their own darkness.....so how we live our lives....and the energy we bring is important....as I have said a million times, EVERYTHING is energy.....and we can feel the state of the people we spend time with......we know how it feels to be in a space where the energy is awful, or wonderful.....I tend to shy away from the negative folks now....having been subject to letting it all get in at one point in my life, and letting it drain me, and while it doesn't drain me in the same way as it once did.....it doesn't feel good.....because I do spend a good amount of time attempting to keep my energy where I like it:) But having said all of that I know that my authenticity definitely makes others uncomfortable.....I know when I post the real and raw, it makes others flinch......or maybe even judge, and wonder why I would share, or judge me for doing so.....but here is the thing.....for me.....it is no longer uncomfortable.......I spent years hiding everything.....feeling as if that hiding was protection of my loved ones.....or of my story, holding onto the hurt.....with nowhere to put it, except inside of me to eat me up....and finally opening up my throat chakra, SO fully lol......and speaking my truth, it has absolutely saved me.....alongside therapy, the most important thing I have done.....we cannot change what we don't take a look at......or say out loud....or give a voice to, and recognize.......and the other piece, as I have said.....is I continue to get messages from people that don't find my truth uncomfortable.....it makes them feel seen, and heard in their own stories too....and that is such an honor, and the more I show up as ME.....so completely and fully, the more I find my way to the things and experiences that reinforce that.....the things that are for me, and I do not have any energy to be in fake places any longer.....none.....I don't want to perform, or pretend, or fake smile my way through anything, ever.......and that is freeing....and so while my journey is out there.....it is real.....it is uncomfortable for some....that is about them though, not me.....because it IS comfortable for me.....I am a woman, having a very human journey......and doing my best to navigate it, in the ways that feel like home to me.....and doing my best to be as honest as I can about it, and authenticity makes others uncomfortable, I have found that to be true.....and it is because it is a mirror.....I have mirrored lots of things in folks that have caused people to hurt me, or try to.......their comfort living in their lies.....the ones they tell themselves, others, and the world......the greatest compliment I got from a co worker....a girl that spends a great deal of time with, and sees me in my day to day....and she said my public and personal self are the same.....and that is what I seek to be.....ME, in every place.....online or in my pajamas in my house.....and there have been parts of my story, and my life I have shied away from sharing fully....I am going to be honest about that....parts that if I shared, would hurt people I care about, not too many.....but a few places that I do not think need to be shared at this point.....at least for now....and it isn't for a lack of comfort, it is for respect of those people.....so I do my best to walk the line between having my level of comfort be my own.....and not having my truth speaking interfere with anybody if I can help it....but I also won't stifle my healing for the comfort of another.....the amount of trauma I have endured has the potential to harm me deeply in so many ways....and my truth is the anti- venom:) the anecdote ......keeping me well and HEALTHY:) And there is nothing more important to me than that:) And if my truth makes another person uncomfortable....that is a signal for them to take a look at themselves and ask them why.....chances are that something within my truth is triggering their story....and really it is an opportunity for them to grow! But I continue to make no apologies for my truth speaking, and truth seeking, and my commitment to sharing my journey.....this blog will meet its 5 year anniversary this month.....kind of hard to believe....and it has been my lifeline....a place to make sense of all that has found me....a way to express the things that live within my soul......and writing every day for 5 years, has been a practice that has changed my life:) Helping me find comfort in the discomfort! And I plan on doing it for as long as that is the case! Happy Friday:)