10 years.....

Today is my baby's birthday.....she entered my life 10 years ago.....and on that day she closed a hole I had been walking around with....when I had had her brother years before that.....he was premature, in the NICU all of it.....and while I am currently, and was mad about him then, my heart yearned for that typical birth experience......deep in my soul.....healthy baby, sharing the experience with those I loved.....all the things.....and so while I also had a c-section with her.....I got that experience:) My pregnancy with her was amazing....I was 40 when I had gotten pregnant with her.....intentionally.....both of us wanting another child......at the end I did have some fluid build up.....but I still felt great for nearly all of it......and as soon as they held her up during my c-section, I burst into tears......the kind that are filled with relief and joy......and feeling the fact that I had transported her here, safe and sound:) It was one of the most beautiful and big moments of my life......the night before she was born, I didn't sleep a wink......knowing what a c-section was all about this time......made me feel like I was walking the plank lol:) But what was more present, was my wild excitement to see her! I knew that she was a "her".....and normally I am in the "you get what you get and you don't get upset camp".....but I had a strong desire shortly before I got pregnant with her to have a daughter......and I was tested to death, tons of blood tests, since I was old lady pregnant, according to the doctors;-) So I knew early on that she was a girl! And I was over the moon.......And so today it is difficult to articulate just how important she is to me....I know so clearly that even if I had asked for specific things in a daughter.....trying to create THE one......I would have fallen short of the magic of her.....Her baby years were easy.....she was an amazing little toddler....subject to curiosity, and smiling endlessly.......she has been fun from the beginning.....and just easy....being her mom is magic.....and the gratitude I have for having had her by my side these last 5 years knows no bounds....my absolute ride or die.....I am not sure I could have done it without her....her belief in me.....her sweet face looking to me for guidance, and what is next.....but beyond the love I hold for her as my girl, it runs deeper because we are SO similar......speaking without needing words......understanding finding us for days....loving the same things, and understanding the same things too.....hanging with her, as well as my boy, is truly my favorite place to be....she is SO kind, SO kind, sweet, thoughtful, artistic, clever, intelligent, resourceful, resilient, talented, deep, responsible, fun, spunky, silly, did I mention kind?? :)And SO much more:) The fierce and loyal love she holds for her brother takes my breath away.....and is the reason I sleep so well at night:) She is OUR ride or die.....just right there:) She loves nature, and the ocean and water, and art, and laughing, and music, and living! She is one of the most alive beings I have ever known:) And watching her face her healing journey these last 5 years has been humbling.....proud doesn't even cut it.....so today I celebrate my best girl....and sit in deep gratitude that God saw me worthy of being her mama:) Happy 10th birthday my sweetest gal, you will never know how much I love you! And being your mama has been one of the greatest gifts of my life!! :) Happy 10th Birthday my Gilly girl! xoxo