And then there were three.....

Well Mads has joined our ranks......I had felt better yesterday earlier in the day, and then late afternoon got hit by a bus.....had a fever.....but I still don't think it is Covid, as it doesn't feel like that to me, but it is a cruddy germ no doubt! Gabe is improving every day....and we are just rolling with it.....I do think the antibiotics are working.....so this week again has been a lesson in letting go.....I didn't even workout yesterday, which never happens......I am allowing myself the time I need to let my body rest.....I am home again today and hoping to return to work tomorrow.....and so much of what I am learning about is how to live in contrast.....if everything went swimmingly we would never be able to test our ability right??.....we need the contrast of life to learn and grow and test our skills along the way.....I am working in my day to day to fight old patterns in me......in my reaction to life's challenges.....and find my peace and my surrender in all that comes......I don't think I can fully ever articulate all I feel I have learned in the last year and a half.....obviously I have spent my life learning lessons as adversity has found me......but through my divorce......the lessons have come fast and furiously....and I find the same in others......it is one of those catalysts that can bring about real change.......and propel us if we let it......and when I look back on the walk I have been on there are places and moments I would never want to do over.....not ever have to live through again......I shudder to think........but all of that contrast has brought me here.....into a more conscious state of being and living......being aware of the ways in which I want to live my life and the ways I don't.....catching myself when I fall......or slip......or regress.......never to return to unconscious reaction again......powerful........I don't have it all figured out......not even close....that is the magic in living.......learning along the way.....and I don't do it perfectly.....but I have a willingness to keep going and stumble when I need to, and commit to the way I want to live my life......learning how to be easier on myself and allow for rest and time when I need.....I am grateful that I feel much better this morning, last night was rough.....and I will listen to my body today and be present in the day and the lessons found there.......