I consider myself these days to be a reformed worrier:) And it feels good.....releasing the chains of worry that have plagued me most of my life.....I did my weekly video on it yesterday because it is so prevalent......we are wired some I think as humans to be fearful.....to worry about stuff.....to have things to worry about....the list is endless right? And not worrying.....not being anxious about the future had been my forever goal.....I remember pleading with the powers that be to calm my spirit... to take away my worries....to help me be more peaceful in the day to day.....and I never quite got there for so many years......I would manage to shove away enough of the worry to function.....but it was always lurking there....right beneath the surface......and it was exhausting.....I was cleaning out a closet and I found some diary entries I had written in attempt to soothe my spirit at a certain point....and it was surrounding the things I could not control.....and stuff that was stressing me endlessly.....and I remembered in an instant feeling all of that.....and to be honest it has been the trajectory of my life that has been my biggest ally in helping free me from worry....finally in a real sense.....so many things have happened in my life to this point that have, for lack of a better term, terrified me.....things I thought I would not survive.....and with God's strength and grace I have.....and I think losing my marriage and family was the final one that freed me in a real sense......if I had been able to control that....if my efforts had been enough.....if the amount of love I had for him, and for our family had been enough......well it would have been saved.....and the fact that it wasn't showed me.....that we are not in control.....we just aren't, and spending energy and time worrying about things that cannot be changed is foolish.....in every way, and it is a waste of time and energy in every way.....if something comes knocking on my soul, and wants my attention, the first thing I ask myself is if there is something that can be done about it....and worry is not one of those actions....and if the answer is no then I let it go.....immediately...... now.....and bit by bit.....my old habit has been breaking.....and becoming a new one.......one where I default to faith, to hope, and to trust......and I just lean in.....lean into the journey.....lean into the understanding that in any given moment.....even the challenging ones, that I am RIGHT WHERE I am supposed to be.....part of it all.....and as long as I do my part......listen to my heart, and my divine guidance, and act accordingly, taking inspired action, well that is enough to walk this path......and I guess it has become clear how much of my life I have wasted on worry.....and I just won't do it anymore....life is too precious.....all of the hours I have spent in my life worrying have been about things that haven't happened.....or things that I could not stop from happening if they did....so it is pointless:) I am working every day to use my energy for faith and trust and gratitude and light and all the rest:) And I say none of this to say it is easy to go from being a world class worrier like I was to a person that doesn't worry very much at all;-) ......If you are reading this and you worry a lot.....you have my deepest empathy....I get it...I really do and I know how hard it is.....and it takes time to break the habit, like anything else......and I think a good place to start is to just challenge one of your worries at a time.....is this real?.....can I change it?.....what is the likelihood it will happen?.....etc.....and if it happens anyway well......nothing to be done....I have shared my razor wire analogy a lot in my blog.....holding onto things that cut your hands....and when stuff feels like that, the only way to stop the bleeding is to let it go!!!......Happy Sunday y'all! Enjoy the day:)
jperuso
Comments