I don't understand, but maybe I do???

This week has been exhausting.....in all the ways.....school being on an off schedule, the weather being oppressive, my having an annoying and cruddy little cold, and my needing to face things that needed to get solved despite that being wildly uncomfortable.....and I will never understand some of what I experience in my journey, but I believe so fully, that if you are showing up from a good place.....speaking your heart in the places where you need to, with dignity and grace, then you are right on time.....and how others perceive that is their work to do....their lens.....their perception, all of it....and I have said that time and time again.....and learned it over and over....the "Let Them" theory on repeat.....you can be the kindest and most helpful human and if a person's lens is a certain way, they cannot see you, it is that simple.....and I choose to lead with my heart often, and I am not only a Taurus gal, but also have a Leo moon, so my lion is protective, and passionate, and fiery, and all the rest amid my grounded, earthy, loyal Taurus gal.....and I guess as this journey has unfolded.....I have gotten good at connecting to what my heart is saying, and my needs in any relationship, and when I feel called to share it, I lead from that place.....no BS.....completely authentically myself....which I know makes others that struggle to find their authentic voice....or haven't yet.....or are hiding stuff away, uncomfortable.....and I have mentioned that I have done YEARS of therapy....being really schooled in my own healing, but also in the psychology of others....and I cannot be gaslit or manipulated or any of it anymore, in the ways I once was susceptible to, and it is a fascinating realm.....never less so.....but there is a pervasive, and collective consciousness that is taking over the world at the moment.....and it was shown to me in my own world this week a couple of times, as a deep lack of compassion and empathy....and having defensiveness leading the way.....and it is something I do not fully understand....and I want to say clearly that I do not judge it completely either....people are who they are...and they come hardwired to be a certain way from the jump, and then live a life of experiences that shape the rest.....so from where they sit their experience is authentically theirs too....but I am no longer living in the lies or shadows, when it comes to things that require me to stand up, and do my best to make them better....especially if somebody I love is hurting.....so as the week ends, it ends with hope for me, and encouragement, that if you lead with the places I said above, things can get better and change....because kindness matters.......empathy matters....compassion matters....understanding matters........speaking from your heart matters.....and ultimately boundaries matter....and I consider myself to be a really forgiving human....with the capacity to not hold grudges ever, and forgive almost anything.....but when I am shown the underbelly stuff, or what lies beneath what people show outwardly, that I didn't know was there, that makes it harder, the stuff we didn't see, but then in turn can't unsee.....and my work always is to practice what I preach in those moments too, and lead with my own compassion and empathy for them, and extend grace......even when it is hard, maybe especially then.....we are all human.....carrying human wounds and scars.....from our pasts, and they often end up wounding others.....so I am very conscious of that fact....and temper my knee jerk reactions.....and take time to let them settle in......letting time, and clarity do its thing.....so this week found me being called to protect and support my family....in the truest sense, on repeat and I did my best to do that as authentically as I could.....and doing our best, no matter what, to put ourselves in others shoes is time well spent.....having the imagination to imagine what it is like to be another person, and I do my very best to do that if I can.....and the highlight of the week by far was yesterday....a boy in my class, one that has a deeply challenging existence every single day, was moving.....he has faced moving every year of his school experience, and has challenges far and wide, in all areas of his life....and he and I have built a rapport, my having a heart for him right away......and his mom saying I was the only teacher he ever loved, and that he enjoyed my class so much......so we threw a party yesterday to celebrate him, I had the kids make cards, and another teacher and myself purchased goodies....and my son had a couple of guitars that he wasn't using....one being an electric guitar he was given long ago...and this student and I would bond some about our love of music....and so I decided I want to give it to him.....he doesn't have much in his life....and I knew that its use would be so much more powerful in his hands.....and well the grin he grinned when I gave it to him was priceless....he played us "Smoke on the Water," and it was awesome, and he left our school knowing that despite the daily challenges he faces he was loved and cared for....we often gave him food, sneakers....all of it.....and it was a very lovely, and apropos way to end my week, all things considered......having been called a bad person earlier in the week for not shoveling a path lol:) so I started off saying I will never understand when I see a lack of empathy and compassion in a person, life really is challenging for us all, but maybe that isn't true....maybe I do understand, I understand that it is a result of people not being shown those things themselves.....we learn what we live.....I can tell by the way children behave in my class what happens in their homes completely....and we are all learning.....even adults....and so this morning finds me with forgiveness and openness in my heart for all of it.....knowing that what people do is a reflection of their internal state, the relationship they have with themselves, and it is not personal.....at all.....I will do my best to remain calm and on the high road whenever I can....meeting every challenge I can with that lens....and trusting I will continue to know when I am called to speak my heart...and when I do not need to.....discernment being key.....and removing the emotion from it when I am able....the hurt, all of it.....because it really isn't personal.....even though it is so hard to realize that sometimes.......as for this weekend, my kids will be with me.....I am going to do my grocery order, and make a big pot of soup, and cozy in for the weekend with my kids.....needing to kick out the last of this crud, and gear up for whatever challenges next week holds! Happy Saturday :)