Living on my terms.............

The Jenn in my life before this happened worried a lot about everybody else.....what they needed....what I could do to make people happier............maybe feel more loved themselves....I also worried too much about what other people thought.....if they were judging me.....or what their opinions were, and I didn't always have a voice, or maybe I did and I just didn't listen to that voice.......as I am shedding skin I am becoming really comfortable in the new skin that is emerging......not worried about much of any of that old stuff, except for caring for my kids and making sure their needs are fully met.....The voice inside my heart, the one that is driving me.....the one that is speaking to me each and every day......is much braver..... is much bolder......she is much more certain of what it is she needs and wants in this life.....she is also much more authentic in expressing those needs.....not worried about making other people feel better if she feels a way, because of something they have done.......The Jenn of today carries a lot of damage.....no question.....a lot of hurt to her heart and soul.....that will likely impact her for a long time......but alongside that damage is a real power.......power in saying what she feels, what she thinks, what she knows to be true.....and not apologizing for those feelings.....because she doesn't have to....they are all coming from the most honest place....the truest place inside of her........I get goosebumps at the thought of what journey is unfolding in front of me......what adventures await.......what other changes will take place in me that lead me to where I am going.......trusting the process....not getting caught up in disappointment.......because I know what is meant for me will ALWAYS find me......I don't have to worry one bit about ANY of that....and it won't happen one minute sooner than it is meant to........so in the meantime as I heal and explore parts of my soul still bleeding....ones that perhaps I thought had scabbed over but in an instant realize they are bleeding all over again.......I will trust it all......and trust MYSELF to do all the things I am meant to be.....to listen to that STRONG AND CLEAR voice in my heart that is sure of herself and what choices she should make, and what is meant for her.......and realizing that what is meant for her......will always show up for her.......always........