My kids........

My kids are my heart......they truly are.....hanging with them is one of the most comfortable things I know in this life......the three of us feel so good together......they trust me and feel safe with me...it is a huge responsibility....and one I don't take lightly or for granted......but I feel safe and trust me too so that helps lol:) My kids made a great impression on everybody that they met this week, and everybody told me what a great job I had done with my kids....in the aftermath I suppose is partly what they meant.....they commented on how happy and adjusted they seem.....and I have to say that that is one of the proudest things I will carry from this chapter......my kids were devastated after he left....in ways that most people don't know.....most people would not fully understand or comprehend.......my parents had a front row seat and can attest to all of it.......it was the most brutal thing ever, how sad they both were, and how their grief came in waves too....and I worried back then as to what would happen.....would they find their way back just like I was hoping I would.......and they have.....and I can take a good amount of the credit for that for sure......I was there every minute for them......and my parent's support of them was huge during that time.......and that feels powerful.....because I felt so helpless at the time, thinking there was nothing I could do......like watching your child get hit with a bus and there was nobody I could call to save them.....I just had to watch while they lied there........but turns out that what I was doing was doing something, it just needed to happen over time.....there was nothing I could have done in one moment to take away their pain......but by spending all of my time with them.....loving on them......hiking endlessly.......planning lots of stuff for su to do........allowing a space to cry and talk, for all of us.......we found our way here......to a place where people on the outside can witness that journey some and understand it.......seeing the adjustment of it all in them......knowing that we did OK for ourselves.......the three musketeers:) I never feel nervous when it is us........I know that they will behave and roll with whatever I have planned......they are easy to be around.....people enjoy them.......the hotel was lovely last night.....a really nice room.....We all slept well.......we just got some breakfast here and will hit the road soon......heading home......the kids are excited to come home.....and they are super excited about seeing Mimi and Pop when we get home......they haven't seen them much of them since their trip to Alaska due to Covid circumstances and then we left! So they want a visit before they head out with their dad this weekend to go camping! I am so happy for my kids that they get to have all sorts of experiences now and do so many things......all surrounded by love, and as I have said before I do hope they look back on this time in their lives with some fondness.....and that even though it was their first huge heartache and blow, that they still felt safe, loved, and treasured......and that all the adventures they got to have were kinda great, because that is how I will remember much of this time......thinking of all the adventures we have had and all the trails we have blazed......and I will know every single day that they saved me......gave me a reason to dig deeper, fight harder, and choose light as much as possible for the both of them:) Forever grateful for them and their presence in this story for me too!