The catalyst that is the other woman

My story houses another woman......the one my ex husband ended up leaving for....and 5 years later there are so many takeaways from living that experience.....I do not hold her responsible or give her credit for the things she forced me to learn and see, or the growth that has found me as a result of all I went through.....but she most definitely was a catalyst of change in my life......initially sparking my primal fight for MY family......for MY husband....and igniting that inside of me.....as I had been lulled into complacency within my marriage, in all the ways....and under the marital strife that I didn't know how to get out of......or more importantly I suppose at the time fix......and so her entering our lives....and my uncovering it, sparked a fire in that regard.....protecting what I felt like was mine at the time......but as time went on I realized that wasn't so.....he was already gone.......he left our marriage long before he left that night......and maybe so had I in a way I did not realize at the time.....and then in the aftermath, in her treatment of me and in his treatment of me, I had to learn to rise above my feelings.....to control them, to not lower myself, and lash out, to not let all the ugliness pull me under and destroy me....that is true.....it was self preservation in its most primal form.....I got over my feelings for him, really pretty quickly considering all things, in the light of those things after he left.....and even that was a blessing, and I think while some things were intended to harm deeply.....they were actually having the opposite effect....healing was happening, as I learned to rely on myself so deeply......in ways that I never even knew a person could.....and relearn how to live my life.......and then we reached a place of acceptance, or a place where we both knew we needed to figure out a way to make it work if we could.....and I forgave her.....and in fact feel grateful that she did what she did, and that he did too.....it was the single most backhanded blessing I have ever received, #truth......blessings come dressed in many ways....and some are hard to recognize initially....that is true....but once you see them.....you can't unsee them....they are much better suited than he and I began to be....they are similar, and want similar things in life, and their lifestyles are compatible......and I began to see that so clearly....and watch the peace I had always craved enter my life, and joy, real joy and happiness, and the greatest health of my life.....and so there was no anger to hang onto, when it was indeed a blessing, in every way......no point in that.....and making peace with the other woman and the story was huge in my healing....seeing it all so clearly....and so as I sit here on the eve of that anniversary rounding the corner in January.....I see the catalyst she has been, and continues to be in my life.....sparking change and the growth I need to embark on to live the life I want to live......bitterness and anger are futile in all the ways....something I don't believe in, and avoid as often as I am able.......I am not going to say that in the early days I didn't feel those things initially...because I did.....human condition and all;-) but it was short lived......and passed quickly, so that REAL healing could begin......and once I learned so fully that what will be will be, and that our stories are so divinely orchestrated alongside our free will, I knew that THIS life....the one I am crazy about, could not have happened without her story finding mine......two strangers.....walking in each other's lives in ways we did not expect......I feel like she came with a key to a cage I did not know I was locked in, and unknowingly unlocked it for me....so I could fly free:):):).....and I will forever be grateful for that fact.....to the both of them.....I do not like the way my marriage ended....and know it could have been handled so much better, but the result would still have been the same.....I have used the catalytic role she has played in my life as fuel....to power me beyond my limits, and grow in the ways I was meant to.....and as I said in the beginning of this, I do not give them credit....they were in no way trying to help me....but I do acknowledge it, and the role it played in my story to date.....You never know where you will be called to walk in this life.....and the only power you have is how you decide to walk through it when you get there.....and that choice is everything:)