Well.....hello there LOVE!

My odyssey has taken me to so many corners of myself.......the core of who I am, my spirit and what resonates within.....learning to shed some stories that are not mine......or no longer mine......and I have many more to go......but one of the places I have deeply examined is the power of love, in all of its forms......and so I felt on Valentine's Day, writing some about it would be fun, apropos if you will;-) Yesterday love looked like my forgetting the lollipops my girl wanted for her Valentine's Day celebration.....and her being OK with it totally, not wanting my to be late for work, but my getting ready early to run down the grocery store quick to grab them for her......a beautiful and very reciprocal dance of care......while my son woke up, and asked me how I slept......and then I took him to a dance after work and picked him up, when I really wanted to put my jammies on, and crash from this crazy week....and his not knowing that fact, but saying to me thanks so much mom for taking me, I appreciate it:) And I was surrounded by the love of my friends at work yesterday.....we had some belly laughs, and levity after a heavier week......my friend coming to watch my kids last minute on Thursday night so I could do the school board speech because my parents had gotten sick....another illustration of love......my early workout.....my meditation......showing love to myself......and I could go on and on....you get the idea, and I promise I have a point;-) And the point is this.......love SHOWS UP in so many places....and when we think of love we often think of the romantic kind......but love is EVERYWHERE.....and last year at this time I was in love with somebody, deeply......looking into their face on Facetime a year ago, with love and adoration in my eyes......while he was looking back, and actively deceiving me and lying to me, behind his mask of love that I thought he held for me........and a year later I have come SO far again.......in taking that lack of love, and doubling down again, on loving myself harder.....in all of the ways.......and well that feels like something:) And in freeing myself so fully from that situation, perhaps the greatest act of self love I have ever shown to me!!! A herculean effort and so not easy, but worth it:) And I guess what has circled in my mind lately is that I never viewed romantic love as difficult.....I have stumbled upon love more than my fair share in this life.......having always felt that it was plentiful......easy even......and the past 5 years have shown me otherwise.....and certainly in the final chapter of my marriage too......Love is not easy.....it is a choice.....every day......something I am so good at......just so steady like that......but not having been met there........and it occurred to me that I just never imagined this version of my life......ever......I truly believed the day I got married was it......I would be married all of my days.....little old lady status and all.......wrinkled hand in wrinkled hand.....and so I guess as I type that, and hear myself, gosh that never gets old;-) I am resisting telling myself a story that love is hard......because that is not a true story either.....the fact that it isn't easy, is not synonymous with it being hard.......and so the truer story is that I gave my energy and love in the wrong places, effort and energy that was not returned with the same, and certainly not appreciated......so now I know:) And my north star above all else is remaining consistent about the love I give to myself....until.........until.........and I have already accepted the fact that maybe love won't touch down in my story in this life......however that doesn't ring totally true, not in my intuitive spot as I type it....and knowing that I have so much love to share:) but I do think it is a notion that needs peace wrapped around it when you are in my position:) Just in case;-) But what I do know is that when it does find me again......it will be unlike any story I have previously walked in......I have lived that other story more than once, and now no more.......I have shed that cycle for good:) and the only love I seek now, beyond the mad love that my children and I share, is a reciprocal one......a person that matches my energy....the deepest admiration, adoration, passion and respect of one another.....and as I sit here content in my life so completely, I do not need to settle for less......I have earned that right in every way......so on this Valentine's Day, I hope you are being loved......for REAL......not played for your beautiful heart, because you deserve it.....and if you have no romance......know that that just means you are being called to love YOU EVEN BETTER:) Romance is found in self love too I promise:) Happy Valentine's Day! Love is all you need, in all of its forms:) Keep your eyes peeled, and start with giving it away endlessly :)xoxox Enjoy!