I am kind of on a pondering bender of sorts last couple of days lol:) It happens to me sometimes.....but this morning's blog is in line with the last couple.....it occurred to me that I have been given a rare opportunity in this chapter, a chance that most folks don't get......being thrust into the unknown, and being on my own quite suddenly, has given me the time and space to do so much.....being in your 40s comes with wisdom you don't get during the younger places in your life....and for most folks they marry younger, and then they move through their lives growing and evolving with their spouse, and I have come to believe that how you do that.....how that evolution takes place inside of that union, determines if you stay together or not........how willing you are to honor each other's journey, and support their evolution alongside your own.......but in my case I have been given this very special space.....a space to look at my life....and examine all that no longer serves me, shedding it, and then really consciously deciding, maybe for the first time in my life, who I want to be, and how I want my life to be......and I feel as if I have been super intentional about most every minute of my journey in the aftermath.....I have DONE more than I have in so many places of my life......traveling, adventuring, writing, loving on myself and my children and life.........but beyond being intentional about my life moving forward, I have been given some time to heal......needing this space to heal myself, and move forward in the ways I want to.....and as I check in on where I am in healing.....I still know I have a long way to go....there is pain that lives inside of me.....and when I catch a glimpse or feel it, it takes me by surprise what still lives there.........and I am not naive enough to think it is gone......and maybe it will never be.....when you have a deep wound it takes a long time to heal.....and when the wound has many layers, and many pieces it takes time.....however there is a way to give your process the time it needs to heal....and not live in bitterness and anger in the meantime.....I feel like that is the important difference....working through the layers, and the pain and hurt, but not having it make you sick quite literally.....we cannot heal what we don't acknowledge......and my modalities of healing have found me all organically......like a universal and divine gift basket arriving at my door:) Filled with all the gifts I have needed to find myself and my way in this chapter......so I suppose I say this to acknowledge that the journey of self discovery is a worthwhile thing......time well spent....and that it is easy to get caught in the noise of the world and life.....and I suppose for me, the deafening silence and space that was left in the wake of his leaving, allowed for me the opportunity to fill that silence and space with things that I decided, and things I have grown to love......and as my chapter evolves I will never be less grateful for the opportunity to do just that:) Happy Friday:)
jperuso
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