Change..............

When I think about the difference in my life over the last year and a half it is startling......shocking really......suffice to say in the face of Covid all of our lives have changed tremendously......but I feel like having Covid be the prelude to the change I was going to face in my life was perhaps destined......it tested my tolerance for my world being turned upside down.....like a giant entered my life and took my beautiful life and picked it up and then dumped it on the floor......shocking like that.....There is nothing in my life at the moment that is recognizable.......the job that I have done for nearly 20 years is different in all the ways.......it was like learning a different profession and it pushed me and stretched me outside of my comfort zone in every way......ever single day...........and yet I figured it out.......persisted.......being a mom is so different in these times......we keep our kids safe always, but add keeping them safe amid Covid and it becomes a job of epic proportions and much more complicated......requires much more sacrifice........requires just so much of so much......and then to have had my divorce occurring amid all of it, well yeah it was a lot........so as I sit here........on the edge of the end of the school year........four and a half months after my husband left.......as the pandemic is settling a bit........I am feeling proud of the fire I faced, the fire I did not allow to consume me......I just did my best every single day.....showing up as a teacher, as a mom during the pandemic, as a woman trying to heal and find her way......and the efforts I have made have paid off in spades........and when I examine change in our life it is so important for us as humans.....we normally don't like it......resist it.......fight it........wish for it not to happen......for everything to stay the same......just floating in the status quo..........but pandemic aside life is as fluid as the ocean....never staying the same.....and the change is normally more subtle in our lives.....the growing of our children, happening a little bit each day......propelling us into a new phase of parenting......the evolution of our relationships with our spouse, friends, and family......the change at times barely noticeable as it happens........yet it does........there is nobody that is immune to change.......or to their lives changing.........even though sometimes we wish for it to all stay the same.....but do we really wish for that? Does things staying the same really suit us......I actually think we crave change more than we realize........wishing for more things that put a skip in our record......because as I have learned through all of this to embrace change fully, maybe for the first time in my life, I feel really excited about embracing even more changes as my journey continues......taking those changes and pushing myself.......growing myself.......floating in that ocean.......not fighting the waves.....not wanting to keep my beach chair stationary....but swimming amid the waves, walking up and down that beach and hunting for new adventures, for new ways to light my soul.......for new ways to live my life ........and I plan on continuing to change myself each and every single day.........."When we are no longer able to change a situation.....we are challenged to change ourselves." Victor Frankl..........yeah all of this and more.........