There is so much I want to say right now, for so many reasons.....and "saying stuff" has become my mode of communication, both personally, and out in the world....but I also think that choosing restraint some......especially as it pertains to emotional topics.... is best.....sometimes "saying stuff" serves the call of the day.....and sometimes it doesn't......sometimes we need to stand up, and shout something out, and speak a truth, and sometimes quiet is better.....so I suppose I am learning what deserves my voice.....my energy........and some of the fine lines have come bearing some heavy weight.....like navigating this new space with my kids and my love story.....and wanting to do it perfectly.....not wanting to impart any more harm on my kids in this chapter......they have already had their fair share......so I rally, I regroup and remain mindful.....and the emotions of the world at the moment, and in our own little lives, is feeling charged and heavy some.....and I am sorting out so much of the information that is coming to me, and around me.....and feeling so much of so much......and perhaps I will write a blog that will stay my own.....not seeing the light of day.....not in a spirit of hiding....or being dishonest.....but in the spirit of being discerning.....some things are better left unsaid....that too is a saying for a reason......and when to say the things, and when not to is a craft I am learning......and as I type this, this occurs to me......which by the way, THIS part of blogging never gets less amazing to me....the moment I HEAR myself, or have an epiphany uncovered, as the keys are being tapped, and as each keystroke comes together.....a form of magic in my life indeed:) However I digress.....;-) But I suppose I spent a good part of my life being an expressive person, feeling as if I had a gag over my mouth, and a restriction for all I needed to express, and then when I finally embraced that part of me......the dam broke.....and it has been freeing, and healing, and all of these amazing things to my life.....but I think now I am learning that some stuff can remain.....mine.....solely......or for my close people or.......you get the idea.....and maybe it is because I am feeling SO MUCH INJUSTICE at the moment in so many areas of life.....and the response I need to have is to just remain calm and quiet.....life isn't fair......it just isn't......and when we look for it to be, it is where unrest and dissatisfaction reigns over us..........the scales have a way of leveling off.....I am proof of that....despite the injustice I am facing some, and the things that find me...... there is an equal part having its say on the other side......so for now I am delicately dancing on fine lines......knowing when to speak and when to be quiet.....and finding my way through that......keeping the lines of communication open between myself and my children....wide open.....freedom to express, to say anything......we need to give our people room to say their truth too.....and hold space for that.....I truly believe that......and the people that I enjoy the most and choose to spend my time with in this chapter, are the people that I can speak freely with, and say how I am feeling, or what I am thinking, without fear of judgement or retaliation......that is such a gift! So I am guessing that the fine lines won't go anywhere any time soon......but I will continue to take a breath.....take a moment.....and apply discernment to what gets out there, and what remains quiet in my heart.........each and every day.......
jperuso
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