Exit stage left.......

To "Exit stage left" means to leave a situation quickly, quietly, or embarrassingly, often making way for others" And this week.......... amid the holiday loveliness.... has also found me deep diving into apparently some healing that I was being called to do....see that is the cool thing now, when something surfaces for me, I trust it, and I know it is for me to look at it and move through it....Somebody else posted about their deep dive in the past etc and ooof....right??? And IT is in the air indeed, maybe you are feeling some of that too? Those wounds calling to you? And for me that "Exit stage left" stuff has been the crux of the harder parts of healing for me.....I saw a video the other day that talked about women being wired for connection, etc....but also for closure....and when there is an abrupt ending, it leaves an open loop that makes it hard to do that....add betrayal to the party and yikes, and it is not impossible....as I am also living proof of that, but SO much more difficult than it would have already been, all things considered.....and as I have written many times....I have accepted my life in so many areas, sans the apologies I have deserved....and now with my self worth being in tact I say that loudly and boldly, I am wilding DESERVING of all of those apologies.....and my knowing the truth is enough most days....but when it comes to healing, that open loop is tricky.....and the loop has closed with my ex husband....but I can still find a pokey spot of disbelief and musing some, still nearly 5 years later......wondering what he REALLY thinks.....deep down inside of his soul.....beyond the surface level stuff....and how he lives with some of it, but unfortunately I recently walked through another abrupt and disorienting ending.....with a person I thought I would be friends with forever.....our friendship being the foundation, feeling so solid and safe......and so healing was found in the last couple of days surrounding that.....more clarity.....and part of it, like so much else is mindset...and crafting THE narrative, THE real one.....telling the truth to myself over and over about him and us............and the last two nights I have been on a guilty pleasure binge of "Married At First Sight"....so fascinated by the desire that lives in those folks for marriage and love, so much so that they would be willing to marry a stranger, albeit one that was handpicked by experts:).....and for me there was a poignant moment....one of the girls so caught up in how well it was going, and never imagining a place where it could go south between them, ever....and well....never say never.....and I do not say that from a jaded perspective, I don't......I have come to believe that relationships last and evolve exactly as they are supposed to.....and that the hanging onto forever is the trap....we are called to enjoy whatever enters our experience for as long as we are able....I believe that.....but there is a sadness in the lack of certainty found in romantic relationships....and my knowing so fully now that things can change so suddenly......in ways you never expect....and no matter how well you believe you know a human, you just don't......I am also living proof of that....and they may just "exit stage left"....leaving their energy in their wake.....for you to contend with.....and heal from....and alchemize if you are lucky:) I can say I never expected the people I am thinking of, as I type this, to do what they did, and well.......however instead of making me wary of love.....it has had the opposite effect.....it has broken me wide open....knowing that I have learned in this chapter to connect to everything, and attach to nothing.....not attached to outcomes.....just experiences......so however it goes, or ends.....or maybe lasts all of my days......it is right on time in my journey....and well.....what else could I ask for:) Happy Monday:)