I DID IT!!!!!

I set out this holiday season to crank the magic up some, my girl perhaps bidding farewell to Santa this year, even though she doesn't know it yet:( Although she wants to believe deeply, so perhaps next year will find her wanting to live Santa in our home:) however Santa will always be alive in our home, for my son.....he will always believe and therefore lend us his Christmas magic;-).......but based on some signs, I felt that perhaps Santa wouldn't reside in the same way has , after this year......we decorated early....and it is a choice I do not regret at all....allowing us to fully enjoy the season because Thanksgiving was later this year! And each weekend ended up having some magic found within.....and in the past, especially the recent past, the holiday season felt tainted by memories past.....having had lots of challenging things happen in my marriage under the weight of all that happened, and it always came to light in the fall....and early Christmas season....and even his leaving after the new year.....and your body keeps score, and feels those things, whether you want to or not....but not this year.....I did not feel ANY of that.....just pure and free magic from beginning to end....and I loved it all....and then last night, confirmed that I DID IT.....exactly what I had intended.....I heard a little voice from her room, as I was going to sleep......"Mom, I had a really great Christmas.....thank you." and well.....that is gold.....My boy equally enjoying his Christmas.....and a deep satisfaction filled me.....all the hustle and hard work paying off....mission accomplished;-) So if it is the final year of Santa for her.....it will stay with her.....the impression of it all.....and that feels like something:) I have two more adventures in store for next week....trying to craft a visit to NYC, and perhaps Peddler's Village.....going to see how the weather shakes out.....as for today I am taking a rest....my cold has been kept at arm's length, and has seemed gone, but then pops up a little from time to time....calling for rest.....going to put their stuff away....they are with me until after the storm tomorrow, before they go to see their dad.....so I am grateful for this time to cozy in, and bask in light of Christmas magic......what they don't realize is that I too enjoyed every minute.....their magic lives in me....and fuels me.....it is my biggest gift to be their mom, and spend the time we do.....yesterday on the way to my brother's house they were talking so sweetly to each other in the car, and we were laughing....and I wanted to freeze time.....I have intentionally spent the last 5 years enjoying my life after all that happened....and enjoying my children so completely and fully.....and it has changed everything....and I do not plan on stopping anytime soon:) Happy Friday! Enjoy the day:) Hope your holiday was amazing! :)