I didn't answer the door......

It sounds dramatic, but it is true, and has been my experience......since 2018, and perhaps most of my life I have been in a spiritual and emotional bootcamp of sorts.....and the last couple years being the most intense.....forcing me to look at the parts of myself that had been on autopilot, and contributing to some of the pain I have endured.....and challenged to CHANGE it......finally.......once and for all, and close a loop that doesn't serve me and my life and my growth......but yesterday I was triggered.....it was surprising.....random and intense......and I had been bouncing along feeling pretty good, and then there it was.....and that is the trickery of healing.....and it is the trickery in being between versions of yourselves.....eradicating so much of the "old"....but not quite being "new" yet.....if that makes sense.....and that is where I am.....shedding the final layers of old places......and meeting myself in a new place......and I was so proud of myself yesterday, truly seeing how far I have come, because I did not answer the door......to the old loop.......to my old self, I let her stand on the porch and knock......and I rooted into my new energy.....and the NEW energy is what will keep me on the path that has been set for me.....and so much grief came.....grief for stuff that is real......and some that is a lie, stuff my mind wants to share with me.....stuff that feels one way, but is really another.....and I had to root so fully in my newfound clarity surrounding it all, to not get called back, telling myself the stark truth.....and when I say that isn't easy......I cannot say that strongly enough.....every part of me had to resist that trigger, and what it was trying to challenge in me......asking me to really look at my life, and ask if I am done with the dysfunction that I have walked through on repeat....and well.....that answer is YES:) And I do not think it is talked about enough.......the ugly stuff in ourselves that can be uprooted when we heal too.........being provoked in that raw and vulnerable space that lives within us......and well mindset for me has been the way.....not succumbing to those low vibing and petty feels......taking them, and shifting my mindset around them all, so they can be alchemized for the good......no good comes from low level vibin;-).....and it is SO easy to do.....and as I posted in my video about surrender yesterday.....it was timely.....because by mid afternoon I had to tell myself the same thing.......and perhaps yesterday was about showing me how far I have come, how much healing has happened in my life......and the difference.....I speak and write often of the contrast.....that is where things really make sense.....the understanding of where you were to where you are........and that makes all of the difference.......so as I prepared for the "Littles" today and our Easter party.....and cooked, and set up, with my kids helping me, it was so sweet......I had to deep dive some.......and stand on the other side of my old life knocking on my door.....and refusing to answer.......and healing is like that.....you walk miles.......and then all of a sudden you get sucker punched, and called to take a look at something that lies beneath......and needs to be heard and healed......this morning finds me better after a good night's sleep:) and I am leaning into the joy today......the joy of little kids on Easter......the joy of family sitting around my tables eating food, cooked with love......the joy of sunshine today.....egg hunts, egg decorating, laughter, and love.......and the strength to keep healing wounds I did not create......but wounds that are my responsibility to heal......Amen:) Enjoy your day:)