I really do love YOU.........

I have spent my life loving other people more than I love myself....and as the realization seeks deeper and deeper, I see more and more places where that was true......and another thing I have been reading about, and sorta letting sink in......is inequality in terms of output and input.....that has been very out of balance, often in my life.....over giving, and feeling starving on the other side......and it has been that way all of my life, for as long as I can remember......I have felt some sort of lack in the love department.....a missing piece.....and was forever on a quest to find it.....but what I found, in my unhealed self, was more of the same.......more herculean effort, and less return on that investment.....making me feel sad.....invisible....unseen.......and every step has led me back to learning to love me:) Funny how that worked......stripping away all of the objects of my attention, and affection, until the only person staring back at me, was me.....:) My children go without saying:) They are the loves of my life.....no question, and have been every minute.....and I am so grateful for them.....and having had the blessing of feeling their love, and being loved by them.....magical.....but I have indeed wrestled with LOVE......a formidable opponent indeed, my saying many times we all have THAT theme.........THAT thing that challenges us in life......that is not unique.....and now I feel like it circles around and around until the lesson is fully integrated.....fully understood.....which I suppose from where I sit this morning, feels like relief.....sweet relief......but when I think back on the loves I have had, I REALLY did love them....I REALLY did....but the love I held for them was out of balance.....and I do not think that that pattern is allowed to continue that unbalanced forever.......something tipping the scales into equilibrium....and I think that is why my passion in coaching has continued to grow.....never waning...........wanting to have other women FEEL the way I have learned to feel......and I have spent so much energy pouring into all the places around me.....causing anxiety and strife.....when I finally took that energy back, and poured it into myself......that is the only power, the rest is noise......and I am trying to share that with my daughter.....she was worried the other day, because she forgot her homework, she got a picture of the page and did it.....but was still fretting some.....and I told her to just let it go.......it wasn't worth that kind of energy.....she did what she could about it, it is all good....in the grand scheme of life not that big of a deal.....I try and have those conversations often with her......anxiety and the gripping force of it in my life, was such a waste of my energy.....and I do not want her to spend her energy that way if we can help it:) And it makes me so relieved that I get to be this version during my motherhood years......not the one that walked through all of that other stuff......the impact on my children will be much better indeed:) They deserve this version, truly.....the one that doesn't worry or fret.....the happier one....the peaceful one.....the centered one, the joy filled one...... And that is the tricky piece of self love too is that it gets shared with those you love by way of energy transfer.....all energy carries contagion.......and we must choose wisely.......so today my kids head to their dads till tomorrow......I have some cool things on my docket today......my friend entered us into a raffle to win a free detox foot bath, and we WON:) so that will be part of my day:) And just doing some more stuff that I love, and then heading out a little bit with friends tonight to listen to some live music! Tomorrow I have some things I want to work on at home.....excited to dig in......and so I feel like I have walked a giant circle in this life this morning......looking for love.....seeking a love that felt like home......and that circle took me back to me:) I am my home.......Magic! Happy Saturday:) xoxo