It is so heavy, just put it down......

I am going to say again that the energy this week has been a lot.....and maybe for a little bit again, a few months, or maybe that is just how it is now lol:) But even amid what comes we have a choice whether to carry it, or put it down.....especially when it gets too heavy....and surrender has been something I have tried to implement in my life in this chapter.....and it requires a great amount of strength for me to do it.....not so much due to the faith part....that part is solid now.....it is in the part of me that muscles stuff, or thinks effort translates into outcome....and well.....I do;-)....having that proven to me in so many areas of my life....but sometimes no amount of effort, or muscling, or grit, or tenacity, will yield a result you wish or wanted if it isn't meant for you.....or if you are alone in that kinda effort, and sometimes you have to just put it down.....in the beginning after my ex left I was frantically trying to rebuild our relationship in a new way.....scurrying around, pleading, texting, and putting in all this effort as it got rejected.....or ignored....or so much of so much.....so I learned early on that the harder we hang on.....and the more tightly we grip a thing that holds such resistance, the more pain we take on, and the more suffering that occurs.....and it is in the floating that we can regain our center.....I always imagine it in terms of being in the ocean and fighting the waves....and then suddenly laying on your back and floating right over them.....peacefully riding them:) And that feels better right.....And as good as I have gotten in the letting go, and surrender I STILL get caught......my gal with no quit, or with deep resolve to have tidy outcomes, has her say......thinking if I keep fighting.....keep trying.....did I mention effort usually yields results;-) But sometimes the best effort you can put your effort behind is in surrendering......letting something that is troubling you go.....shifting your energy to the things in your life that run on effort and muscling:) I came into this life with factory settings for worry, fear, and control......and I have worked VERY hard in this chapter to shatter those things......letting my fear snuff out the worry and fear....letting it grow so big that there is no room for the other two.....and letting my lifestyle and habits alchemize my need for control.....realizing that I could still control certain portions of my life, but just the productive and healthy ones:)....and that I could let the rest go....and boom freedom:) But I still have to work with the energy when it comes to alchemize it, and knowing that that eradicates it......we all are hardwired for stuff that doesn't serve us.....I believe that.....and if we can stay conscious as often as we are able and are committed to slaying dragons we can minimize or extinguish them! And being free from those three things, and some others now, most of the time......feels good....There is such a difference between fighting life......and just letting it unfold.....what comes will.....that is true.....no matter what we do or prepare for.......but it is always in the response.....and working on responding better and healthier.....and calmer..... is always work worth doing indeed! I got to celebrate a friend's 50th last night, it was a surprise! So fun, and I am doing some fun things this weekend while my kid's get to hang with their dad.....alchemize, alchemize, alchemize:) One step, one day at a time:) Happy Saturday y'all:)