Passive aggressive jabs.......

Seeking to make somebody else feel bad so you can feel better is..........well......and as more healing has taken hold, not only is it important to pay attention to what others do, it is important to pay attention to ourselves.....and sometimes we exist in a dance with other people that doesn't serve us.....and my self worth is not up for negotiation at all anymore....and I don't deserve to be treated poorly by anybody in my life, and I have relationships that have existed in my life for a long time, that will have to adjust.....or not.....my no longer being willing to accept certain things.....I do not do everything perfectly by any means......but I am kind.....and true......and I will have your back fiercely....and I want you to feel good around me.......not tiptoeing, or walking on eggshells.....being free to be you, as long as it doesn't hurt me, and lately as the fog has lifted for me in so many places, and I am even more keenly aware of so many things......the jabs that some folks dole out, hurt me more.....and I know all of it......that it has EVERYTHING to do with them, and the internal battles they wage.....and that is so true, and I do my best to not take it personally.....but I suppose I highlight it this morning, because it is in my mind, but also because I am not willing to just grin and bear it anymore........it is all of a sudden so off putting, and intolerable to this new space I am in.....so I will have to carefully figure out the best way to express it when the time is right.....but trying to be superior over a person to make yourself feel better is a really tough thing to tolerate......snarky mean spirited shots......and I suppose the other thing that strikes me is that when you set out to heal your own stuff......and then you step into your world where lots of folks don't, it feels lonelier sometimes......and not as a judgement to them, at all.....their journey didn't take them there, or it isn't time for them to examine their stuff yet......or they are just beginning to, or maybe they won't ever......so I suppose I am wondering what this version of me is supposed to do in terms of boundaries.....making them clear.....because in the situations that come to mind.....I am not deserving of it....not even a little......and I know that....and my knowing it can be enough to some degree......but it also stings more, now that more of my understanding is in tact....and as I said it feels intolerable.....I don't have room in my life anymore for mean spirited stuff....I really don't.....and peace reigns....and a person trying to tear me down, and diminish me to build themself up is really off putting, and sad......in all of the ways.....and the main situation in my mind is kinda complicated....not straightforward......having many layers to consider.....so I will....but if you are reading and are subject to slicing others when you are feeling some kinda way.....try not to.......it won't help........it certainly won't make you feel better about you.....not even in the moment when you jab......it just won't.....and it will damage the folks around you.....taking a breath and stepping back, when you want to lean in, and say the things really does work, especially when you are heated....or triggered in your own stuff, and it is not easy....we are all human, subject to human stuff......and big emotions.....and dynamics that have lived inside of us forever......but it is worth the effort to not hurt the people we love as often as we are able......that is all for today......love the people in your life, and seek to build them up and not tear them down if you can! Happy Tuesday:) xoxo