Please don't kiss me......

That recent date I went on, made me think some, just about the "rules and norms" on modern dating, and middle aged dating in particular.....when you are young, and meeting people, or dating, or any of it, it just makes sense......I knew what to do, perhaps having youth on my side;-) However I find middle aged dating to be something entirely different.....and there was a moment that happened on the date I recently had, that made me wonder what it was I was feeling.....and I thought it would be fun to explore today:) I had expressed that we had a good time.....it was a nice date.....easy....having only connected a little earlier in the week, and my making the decision that going on a date so soon was a good idea.....his suggestion.....and I had expressed once that my inclination is not to move fast, and become physical fast in dating.....that it is important for me to build a connection.....a foundation, all of it.....he agreed, and we had only communicated briefly leading up to the date.....and as I said the date went great.....lots of easy conversation, as we hiked and chatted.....tons in common, and having a lovely dinner.....more great conversation, face to face....we went to The Social, and it was all lit up in the back.....romantic and fun, and he was happy to finally see my eyes, since my sunglasses had been on during the day......and we had a lovely dinner.....and then we headed out of the restaurant, and he took my hand sweetly as we walked to the car, asking me if it was OK, and it was......and my expectation upon us parting ways was to hug him goodbye...I had been trying to figure out my attraction to him the whole time we were together.....he was an attractive man.....handsome features....great smile, and he is in great shape, all of it.....but that clear cut unexplainable piece was not present, at least initially, and in my mind, not yet......I could feel he was attracted to me, and I believe that that could take a little time for me, considering all I have walked through too....so when we went to say goodbye, I hugged him, and as the hug was ending he kissed me....it wasn't an aggressive act, just a peck for all intents and purposes, but something about it made me recoil some, shocking me in a surprising way.....and instinctively I pulled back.....a knee jerk kind of reaction, that I am sure did not make him feel good, and my instinct was to apologize about how it made him feel.....but thinking on it more.....I do not think I was sending "kiss me" signals out there.....at all.... and so it is within my right to not do anything beyond my comfort level with anybody.....and it was the oddest exchange I have ever had. And it left me wondering if it was because of my timeline.....seeking to build more, before a kiss.....and not do so on the first date.....or wonder had I been more attracted, would that have shifted that moment.....I am sort of an old fashioned chick when it comes to dating.....and he was a stranger for all intents and purposes too.....and I know I am likely the minority in all of this.....fully.....I own that.....and perhaps it will complicate my finding somebody that will get it....and maybe when I find HIM, none of this will apply, that could be true too:)....conjecture......but I do above all else believe that our physicality, in ANY way.....even a kiss has sanctity attached, and is a gift.....I really do......and sharing any of that with a person is something that should be shared with the respect, and intention that it deserves.....and I own that so fully.....I have lived my life by that philosophy, almost exclusively.....having a certain level of respect for those things that I have not sacrificed often....and any time I lowered that some I regretted it......and now with wisdom in tow, almost 50 years worth ;-) it rings truer than ever......so I don't know what that recoil was.....I don't.......and maybe I won't ever know......until it happens again under the right circumstance, or a different one.....I feel like such a newbie in the dating world lol:) Like somebody dropped me off in some foreign land.....where the rules and norms are so hard to understand, and I don't speak the language......and what keeps me from going outside and screaming at the top of my lungs lol:) Is that I just keep believing if I exist.....then so does he;-) Because all the modern stuff is yikes.....and so I have to believe that what I seek is also seeking me, always:).....that is how it works.....so I am chalking up the experience to just that, an experience.....and I was proud of myself for going on the date.....and being open to the experience....because that is a place that I want to grow in in this year......putting myself out there that way more often.....the seductive nature of single being hard to resist sometimes lol:) Lulling me into being a hermit lol:) I have talked about speed dating, and that is still on my radar.....catching an in person vibe I believe is the way.....and if nothing else gaining more experience.......and ultimately above all else, trusting every bit of it....what is for me will NEVER miss, that I know.....and however that happens is the way.....I just need to follow my intuitive nudges, and the rest will..................................but please.....don't kiss me, on the first date lol:) Happy Saturday:)