Shapeshifter.........

There has been a curious part of this story that I haven't explored in my blog yet, so I thought this morning may be a good time to do that:) When I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt great, I was in the "advanced maternal age" category at the time, due to my being 40......a humbling category lol:) Then at the end of the pregnancy, I filled with some fluid.....felt like one of those Thanksgiving Day parade balloons some lol:) All puffy and stuff ;-) But I lost all of the weight, and was a size 6-8 at her 1st birthday party .....and felt great......and then when she was 2 I discovered the beginning of my ex's affair.....and in the two years between the discovery, and his leaving, my weight crept up some.....I put on about 20 pounds or so......and my cortisol was raging.....no amount of salad being able to combat it, or knock it off.....it was the most resistant weight I had ever battled.......and it was hard for me.....because obviously I was feeling so terrible about so much of so much, and that did not help......and I share all of that because then when he left.....within the first week I probably lost 10 pounds......I am not a sad eater.....my stomach was a mess.......I didn't eat for days, maybe even a couple of months correctly.....surviving on some nibbles of things here and there.....and often people will comment on my "weight loss".....which btw was only a little over 25 pounds total.....not that much weight in a real sense, but what is curious to me, and why I am exploring it this morning, is that my ENTIRE body changed.....the way it was comprised, ALL of it......and I was running some initially etc....but still.....I have never been as lean as I am now.....ever.....I was a thin teenager mostly, but was subject to weight fluctuation always.....and went up and down.....because at my core I am a foodie lol:) You can blame that Taurus gal......we love good food! Among housewares, luxury, massages, and beautiful things.....and views lol ;-) But I have maintained my weight for the last 5 plus years, give or take a pound or two super consistently and without too much effort......and it is curious, and here is my theory....I believe and have written many times about the emotional change that took over my life, and forced a deep change within......and that was true.....but then came the external one too.....and I guess my theory is that the level of trauma I experienced was responsible for that......changing my whole system so completely that it led me to looking, and feeling, and existing in a different space.....and I guess when I thought about it, it kind of struck me, how incredible that is......to go through something that would shock your system so completely that your body composition would change.....like I had to fully become HER......this new version of myself......and I feel peace in this body....in my skin.....not because of being thinner, but because I feel like my entire being is in line with one another.....all the pieces fitting....no disconnect......all lining up, in a way that FEELS completely like ME:) But the shapeshifting part has been curious to me.....Feeling my body transform in ways that I have never experienced.......and I haven't researched it, but I am almost convinced if I do, there will be some sort of research to support what happened to me.....some shock to your system, metabolism, something.......like being struck by lightning or something;-) And maybe as I typed that, it is really the "demise" of who I had been, and my old self, SO completely....that I had to begin again......in new FORM, in every way.....body, mind, and spirit......and I feel myself on another brink of physical evolution now too......as I enter another new chapter......I am seeking to push the boundaries of my body and mind in exercise, and see what I can accomplish.....I do plan on researching it some and seeing if anything is out there.....I guess trauma causing body composition changes?? And let me say this too, it doesn't come on its own now......I WORK at it......disciplined at strength training.....all of it....I am earning the strength I feel in my skin now:) But that initial blow.....and change in my body still remains curious.....like a Disney movie, where they wave the wand, and the person spins around and lands in a different place, looking and feeling different.....it felt so abrupt.....so soon after he had gone actually.....going from feeling fat to feeling like a completely different......like some spell had been broken......I truly mean that so completely......and maybe it was......and these days I take good care of my body.......she is my home:) And I have big plans for her for the next 50 years;-) Have a good day!