Tired of ALL of the lies.......

The weight of all of the lies I have been told sometimes circles round in a strange way....a flash or an awareness......or a memory......or .................and the weight of them is heavy sometimes....and so mind blowing ........and maybe it is being highlighted today amid the deep deception found in the world at the moment......and I wonder about the people who compulsively lie......mostly how it feels on their end.......I guess my life coach having her say.......curious about their human condition.......does it feel terrible to them? Sitting in their belly......or their solar plexus.......do they feel like they won something, if they are believed in their deception? Does it feel good??? Is it an addiction, like all the rest??? A place they cannot help? The ability for people to lie......and do it fairly well.......has stunned me in this chapter......however, alongside of that, my own radar has sharpened to feel lies way sooner......feeling the ick of deception come off of them, a subtle sign alerting me, way faster than it once did....and when you find out a person has lied endlessly to you.......about enormous things.....and about things that mattered so much at one time......it is a feeling on this end that is hard to explain.......or articulate.......and what it does, is instantly shifts your feelings and view of them.......ruined........in one blow........they are no longer this wonderful person you believed them to be.......they are not all the things that you thought they were......because well.......their lies shatters that.......obliterates it if you will.......and to be honest sometimes it feels gross......I know that is a tough word.......but from this side, in the aftermath of some things, it feels gross........and they permanently ruin their image :(and especially when you were moving in truth with them, with such a pure and honest spirit.......and being met with lies.......and I guess today I am tired of it......tired of people pretending.......of people being fake.......living stories bathed in lies and deception.......and well, I mean.......let them.....right........because often times the reason for that, is the lies they tell themselves, most of all, the most powerful ones of all.......I have been there too....white knuckling my marriage......lying to myself most of all......and not meaning to lie to the world......just doing my damndest to focus on the good.....and put that out there, so it isn't as if I don't totally understand to some degree.......except when you are shown the truth, and continue to lie that is a different matter altogether........and I guess what I am even more tired of, is the lack of ownership in a person's lies......not owning them.......just moving, and continuing to lie............I think being a compulsive liar is likely a hard habit to break......as it does seem addictive for sure.....and what I do know.......or can safely speculate on......is likely the lack of peace that lives there.....just a constant running from their lies and stories.......looking over their shoulder.....and it makes me tired to think of it.......and I cannot help but wonder why you would want to live like that?? One big, bold, and beautiful life, and you spend it hurting and lying to people that love you??? Or being lied to, seems absurd.......ridiculous......just disrespectful to the beauty that lives in life......and maybe......as I typed all of that out, what it really is for me.......is wanting to know why......why I have been sent the liars......????? The irony not lost on me in that......because did I mention I hate lying??? I find it one of the most repulsive character traits......and damaging......And trying my best to lead with as much authenticity as any given situation I find myself in, allows?? So why would I spend any of my life with people that live in lies??? Seems like a cruel joke somehow.......I can say that most days I find myself repulsed by so much of it......despite my healing I have done surrounding it......lots of times remembering their lies makes me feel disgusted......and so disappointed......and that is tough......the truth will set you free though.....another trite but true statement......and the truth has set me free in the ways I have needed to be free.....despite the wounds I carry......I do truly feel free, light and happy most of the time.....and happy no liars are living in my house lol:) but every once in awhile have to examine the level of deception I have encountered.......marveling at its existence, amid what I believed to be true.......and wondering the wiring that lives in them.......and healing from liars is herculean work, that is a FACT.....and shame on them truly.......like who do they think they are in a real sense?? Certainly not who they believe or say they believe themselves to be, lying to themselves most of all indeed......lacking integrity in every single way......and it is a cruel thing to hand your damage to another human, one who loves you, and saddle them with healing all of that too......selfish......all of it......and I will alchemize ALL of what has found me......I am determined fully......and I have healed so much already.....but I do have more to go......using meditation to work through some of the ick that remains from time to time.....part of my challenge being the desire to figure it out.....some stuff is not able to be figured out.....or worth being figured out......so maybe that is my answer.....each time I get to release it, it is one less space that it lives in me.....this blog being the conduit between the pain I have been given and my healing:) So today I am letting this piece go, having given it a voice.....letting it breathe......and throwing my arms around Friday, I am so glad you are here:) And looking forward to enjoying the weekend! To my readers......I appreciate you more than you know:) xoxo Enjoy the day! And if you are being lied to, may you uncover the truth too and live free! :)