You can't make me......

I wrote about feeling kinda in a slump.......marathon fatigue if you will......this weekend has felt like exactly what I needed to step over it.....I have a renewed sense of clarity, and energy to push through to where I need to go, and my vision is crystal clear......and that feels good....it was like once I gave a voice to it, it vanished......I also exercised, and did chores, but gave my body some rest....I decided my driveway could wait, until it was fully over.....so I will be blowing it this morning....and that felt like a powerful choice....like it is MY driveway right lol:) NO rules as to when I handle it lol:) I always feel the urgency to care, and tend to it all, but the reality is I don't have to.....but I do have to today lol:) We are heading out.....I need to buy a suit to do a promotional photo shoot I was asked about.....and it is a part of my wardrobe that I don't have....so it is time to own one.....Having a feeling I may need it in the future as I travel into my new era:).....so I am headed to Macys to actually try one on......and then I want to take the kids to the woods.....I know it will be cold, but we could use some fresh air.....Mads has been playing outside, but we have been inside......and there is something about the woods in winter that I love.....the stillness I think.....but as is the norm, I have been thinking some on the way things work....and realizing how much resistance I have faced from others.....particularly from those I have loved.....my choosing resistant men......and my endlessly thinking if I kept banging my head up against the wall things would change.....and their locking in their position that "you can't make me".....and the make me part, was for them to be present with me.....be grateful for it all.....to see the magic I did......to be happy and kind......to have fun with me.....to nurture me in the ways I was trying to nurture them.....to see me and hear me, and I say try because damn......trying to love on a resistant person is nearly impossible.....and another big aha I had was that I have NEVER heard of a woman having "the one that got away"......never.......but it seems to be pervasive for men......... And what is that.....it is that old cliche nonsense.....like I didn't realize what I had till she was gone.....and women often find peace, and glow ups post men and relationships.....and I truly know NO women in my life that are pining for a man of once upon a time.....and that is curious......and I suppose I have compassion for people being unable to see what is right in front of them, when it is RIGHT in front of them....that must be hard.....and besides resistance, I think it is a lack of gratitude.....at a fundamental level.....thinking they deserve more always.....not being happy and satisfied with what they have.....and women are much more wired for that....having motherhood be a place where they must practice sacrificing themselves often for the greater good....and men not having as much of that in their experience.....but I can say, with confidence that my resistant man era is over lol:) Like fully.......I no longer seek to try and impart anything to a brick wall.....it is exhausting....in all of the worst ways, and really just futile.....you can't make a person see what they have decided they don't want to....and it is how we are wired.....like as I type this I am looking out and the snow looks SO beautiful......but I am sure there is somebody else somewhere, maybe even down the road hating on it......wishing for summer, or spring, so desperately that they are missing the beauty that is RIGHT here.....and that is the difference......joy in the journey.....that is my philosophy.....I do my best to not waste my time on negativity or lamenting, and I have found myself loving on people that I felt I had to cheerlead through their experience......and I always thought that my sun could extinguish their darkness....but that is not true.....at all....impossible in fact.....people need to create their own sun, their own magic and have it to share:) And so now I know....you live and learn right?? So now I have learned another level of understanding, that my sun is sacred.....my light is worthy.....worthy of shining it on the people that appreciate it.....that reciprocate it.....that respect it.....and that share theirs with me! :) It never gets old to me though......that you cannot see your patterns, until you get to the point where you can't unsee them.....and I know the origin of my choosing resistant men up until this point.....but I have for sure healed a new part......one I hadn't touched yet on my healing journey.....and I know with such certainty that some of the things I once found attractive, are attractive no longer.....my point of attraction shifting so fully this year......and it also is always remarkable the clarity to which we can see it in the aftermath.....and then there it is.....a big ugly mess......and your mind is like wait a minute....that wasn't how it was??? But yea it was......and I begged them to grow with me....evolve with me......build deep intimacy with me.....touch something that most people don't get to, and it all fell on deaf....and eventual combative ears......and well......nobody needs that.....I will NEVER stop growing or evolving....never......it is pure magic.....and feeds my life with joy, health, vitality, peace, love, and light....why would I want to ever stop???? I have NEVER felt THIS good:):) And the alternative is to stay in messy patterns, that bring darkness, pain, suffering, sadness, and low vibin BS.......no thank you:) So I am now fully seeking fellow growers......people who have a strong growth game....and are in it to win it....we are all in this class called life.......we may as well seek to get as much out of it as we can right??? ;-) Happy Monday! Enjoy your day! xoxo