4 years......

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of the day I began my rebirth....the day where such deep transformation found my life that the only alternative was to eventually embrace it, and let it be a vehicle to move my life to all the places meant for me......and well here I am:) And there is a local woman that I am in contact with, and helping some now, that had the same thing happen to her recently, except in her case he completely vanished.....but there are similarities....and when I feel the pain she is experiencing, I deeply feel for her.....it truly is one of the worst things you can do to somebody.....the sting of betrayal and the feeling of being left.....the pain is deep and wide and excruciating........except I have to say that in my case that feeling was not as deep.....my pain was due to the grief of losing my family, and my marriage, and the deep betrayal and dishonesty, my vision for the future of my life.....but I never really felt abandoned......realizing by the time he left it was about him......but I suppose there is a piece that feels like you were discarded.....thrown away.....even though that isn't true......I have come to learn that every ending is a beginning....and usually a better one.....and that things meant for us stay, and things not meant for us leave.....and most of the time it doesn't have much to do with us at all....and my new anniversary is not a date on the calendar to lament about.....or to wallow in.....it is truly the day where I felt my life became liberated.....that my life needed to be disrupted so profoundly, that I had no choice but to craft a new way.....because the version of me then would never have left.....of that I am pretty certain....and that hurts me to type or admit.....considering what I was dealing with......and was doing so with such willingness if it meant saving my family....that was my primary goal.....tunnel vision.......no way to see past those blinders.....and I never saw this version of the story past those blinders.....I could not imagine that the kids and I would be living our best lives and thriving in the aftermath of losing it all......but that is what has happened.....and I so feel for the woman I was then, she tried so damned hard and just couldn't see......so this anniversary is never sad....it is a day I hold with deep reverence and gratitude....realizing that two things can be true at once....even in deep contrast......I can remember the most painful thing that has ever happened to me as one of the best things that ever happened to me too......so that is what I choose to do:) And I have faith that that new woman that has crossed my path with find the same, and I will do my best to support her till she does....... Amen......