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A gentleman???

jperuso

As I type that it has the words gentle and man in it, they pop out to me, but is that what the word gentleman conjures up?? I am not sure.......not to me anyway, my new friend has gentleman qualities.....he holds the door....opens the car door, pulls my chair in a restaurant, even holds my coat while I put it on.....I know right??? He also is constantly looking out for a hazard that may present itself, during our adventure, and moves me away from it......his vigilance allows my nervous system a rest some.....it is hard to explain.....I have always been the doer in relationships.....having the lion's share of responsibility and work to do.....and this time that isn't so.....he is capable of taking care of his own stuff, and himself, and leaving me to do mine....and not feeling like I need to......also taking care of things I have never experienced in a relationship.......the contrast has been so nice......I have demons and ghosts that have followed me here, and I am working on them.....working on recognizing them and then banishing them......or better yet crafting a new narrative....the best part of my current relationship is the fact that it was built on a strong friendship, for a long time before it took hold......so that is better than jumping into something willy nilly and not knowing or taking the time to make the foundation right.....he knows me really well, and I know him well too....and that counts for so much.....so wandering about town with a gentleman concerned about me, and my stuff is so foreign I can't even really stress that enough......I think due to my strength, other men have seen that strength and given themselves a pass.....opting for the Jenn doesn't need that, she is good....and despite my current fella knowing about my strength as well that is not how he views it.....I have written many times of my strength being a double edged sword....both a blessing and a curse.....people treat strong people differently than they do other people......if they feel a person is frail they tend to tiptoe or cater to that person.....if somebody shows strength it brings up all sorts of stuff for them, and some not so pretty......so my goal was to lay my sword down some in love this time....not feeling hyper vigilant, and I don't....to let my nervous system rest and heal....and to learn to lean.....it won't happen overnight.....and likely I will always be stronger than I need to be, or should be....but there is some work to be done there for sure....and I am learning:) Happy Monday:)

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