A broken heart......

As I have journeyed I have not identified with a "broken" person.....not a victim....and that is still true as I sit here this morning, and articulate what is on my heart as I sip my coffee.......and my journey will forever be about healing, and evolution, and alchemizing each and every wound on repeat.....and fiercely protecting my peace and joy.....However........having said all of that.....I think the weight of all I have carried in this life just caught up some to me?? Like all at once.....I realized all of a sudden that my arms are so tired of carrying so much.......people handing me THEIR pain on repeat, and saying "Jenn, do you mind holding this??"......and so the last couple of days have been about my realizing that, having a high threshold for discomfort, and sometimes not realizing it soon enough, while also seeing ANOTHER person's true colors......in the most unflattering way..........but this time the awareness came that instead of doing what I do.....giving grace, and trying to make excuses for them, or fixing it, or suffering, or any of it......I am LETTING IT GO.....the FIRST time......they have shown that we are not aligned with my values, my morals, or any of it....and so there is no point in continuing on in any real sense......and I suppose maybe that is the lesson for me.....learning that when people show you who they are, the FIRST time, believe them.........people talk a good game......touting themselves as good, helpful, and kind......but actions speak much louder...... and sometimes so much so it is deafening......and the other work that comes to me is that amid my holding all of this stuff from my journey till now.....I need to put some of it down.....for good......maybe all of it......just lay it on the ground, leave it there....not be the one to manage it.....and I will NEVER allow another person's actions bring out the ugly in me.....NEVER......my defiance to whatever is going on in the world at the moment.....is to stand tall in LOVE AND LIGHT...........period........I will NOT succumb........I won't........one of my superpowers is love, and I plan on using it.......remember the Care Bears lol:) All having their icon on their bellies......yea like that:) I have been walking the high road since my divorce, and will never wane from that.......I will not meet somebody at their level, and play a game that is not mine.......I will wish them well and move on.......and teach my children the same thing......the only people worth having in our lives are people that have our back fiercely all of the time......loyal and true......honest......,kind..........all of it......and I need to lead by example for them.......but yea, as I stand in THIS place......THIS moment of my life.....I would be lying if I said the heaviness of the world is not getting into my empathetic heart......I don't love the term "empath"......I think it is overused, and not always accurate....but for lack of a better term, I do feel I was born into the path of the empaths......having a big heart......feeling deeply, and sometimes feeling like my heart is not made for this world, certainly as of late.....and my power is to alchemize the love that I feel, and use it to heal the places in the world that I can.....and that will be my mission all of my days.......so perhaps I am made for this world in that way for sure..........an image of a woman carrying a lantern in a dark forest just hit me.......and that is maybe how I feel at this moment......clinging to that lantern.....and the light that is shining from it......, staring at its beauty amid the darkness, and knowing that light is the way......not succumbing to the darkness.....never.......and implementing the theory of LET THEM......we all get to choose our actions, and how we live our lives......and those actions dictate the quality of our lives,.....and our experience here, and I truly believe that......and I have never wished ill will on anybody that has wronged me......truly, only that they meet themselves in another......learning the lesson in real time.....because for some people that is the only way for them to GET IT......having a spot in them that cannot put themselves into another's shoes......and my heart IS broken for the world....and for some of what I have endured in this life.....like I said the weight suddenly feeling so heavy.....and I suppose also realizing the ENORMOUS amount of energy it takes to rise, over and over, beyond what finds me......it takes a lot of energy, and intention, to not get drug down by low vibing stuff.......but I will......I have worked way too hard to let anything pull me down.......so today I deeply breathe, on repeat, and maybe as often as I need......realizing just like Taylor that I can do it with a broken heart lol:) I feel like Taylor Swift is a lyrical genius btw, highly underrated......her ability to spin lyrics the way she does is amazing to my poetic and word loving heart......I adore her use of words, and I identify with her journey so completely.....,just as a random aside lol:)

So I pause at this place on the road.......acknowledging all I have walked through.....so many flames.......so much pain......so much suffering......so much of what has felt undeserving.......but remembering always that light irritates darkness.....that is true.....a thing I am baffled by......so despite being loving......and kind, people will want to hurt you, your light reminding them of some pain they live with, or something missing within them.....it is really that simple.....and when I am shown that......it makes me sad, but it also makes me realize my light is not for them......it just isn't......and learning who it is for, and who it isn't for is everything:) So I am shining some of my love and light into ME this morning, realizing it always prevails.......beyond every trial, my life has gotten better and better.....and this will be the case here too.....as long as I stay in the light! So if you are reading, and your heart feels broken.......I see you, I get it.....it is a hard time to be a deeply feeling human in a troubled world......keep the faith.....darkest before dawn, you got this and so do I! xoxo