A glimpse of IT....

I speak of love in my blogs from time to time....the love I have been blessed enough to receive, despite it not quite being IT.....close at times.....but not IT.....I think back to the earlier days of my marriage, and obviously hindsight is 20/20.....but I felt loved pretty completely at certain points.....but there was still some stuff missing....and I see that now through the lens of growth and healing....and I have been blessed with a great deal in this life.....often times picking a path.....or a goal, and putting my head down and making it happen....yet....there is an elusive thing I still seek....and I caught a glimpse this weekend of the IT I am seeking....my brother's baby got baptized....and he and his wife are both pastors....and I love his wife so much.....she is a beautiful spirit....and their marriage is the sweetest.....you can see the joy their sweet baby is bringing to their already beautiful union.....and they baptized him together....and the love they share is palpable....and at one point my brother hugged her in front of the church, in such a sweet and spontaneous way....with such love, and for me that was the glimpse....the glimpse of what I seek....a union created from a place of respect.....regard.....love, and true partnership, a ride or die.....their is a loyalty piece that has eluded me some in love....somebody having my back as fiercely as I have theirs....I have sought a soft place to land in love and never have had that.....my role being the soft place for another and carrying my own weight on my own ultimately....and that isn't to say there were not times somebody loved me and held me up some, but it was short lived, always tipping back in the other direction....and it was a brief moment I witnessed in the church on Sunday, but a powerful one.....my relationships in the past have had some great pieces but not an ease....none have been easy....and maybe that is something. Not that all relationships worth having don't involve care and work some....but the ease between people....best friend vibes and easy energy....and I have fully accepted my current single status....I really have.....and have accepted my willingness to wait....good things come to those who wait right? :) That is true! I felt that so deeply when my new kitchen emerged after 4 years....knowing the wait was worthwhile....and so I know the same for love....THE love of this life....and the patience in the waiting comes on the wings of the vibrancy and vitality I feel now....wanting to share that with another human:) Hoping they will meet me with their own vibrancy and vitality.....so I write this I suppose as a reminder and reinforcement to myself and others...that IT exists....I saw it....and see it through their marriage and other marriages I see that I admire....a lid for every pot right;-) and as my faith has strengthened in this chapter, I know I cannot rush the timing of my blessings and path....I just can't.......I can only focus on myself, and my kids, and do the best I can for us and wait until the time is right for the next chapter of my life...and perhaps achieve a lifelong goal of finding IT......finally...and fully....and in the meantime just accept and work on being IT for myself......and for my kids.....and for now that is enough. I also owe it to my children to wait for the man that will love me well and be an example for them too:) But if you are reading and like me and wondering if IT exists....it does:) Have the strength to be patient enough to wait too, not settling, true IT love or bust;-) Happy Wednesday:)