Attractive NO MORE.....

I marvel often at what we find attractive in the people we gravitate toward.....what pulls us to people, or repels us.......attraction is not straightforward.......it is layered.....I believe....and based on so much. And sometimes the pull between two people is strong......and unexplainable......like magnets......I have experienced that a couple times in my life.....my ex husband and I being like that at one point......and just recently.....a pull so strong.....both of those pulls spanning space and time.....having both relationships picking up YEARS after separation.....like the magnetic pieces were waiting to find one another again.....and I suppose unless you have felt a pull like that, it isn't easy to articulate it, or understand it.....and in both cases I feel the pull was indicative of leading me to places I needed to understand, and lessons that needed to find me, to walk my path, and do the work I am doing now.....and in my marriage, find my way to my children:) The best part of it all:).....and I suppose we get tempted when things go so wrong, to wish for an eraser.....a wand to eradicate it all from our earthly docket.....but while I would be lying if I said I never thought about that......like what if??? I know better.......I know that it is impossible to avoid or live anything not meant for us......even with free will in tow....and perhaps the last story I lived in could have ended sooner.....or should have ended sooner.....but energetically it ended when it was time....and when my understanding was ready to receive it all.....and I have looked back wondering if I had kicked my ex out when I found out about the infidelity......the first time.....and well.....the "trying" to fix it, marriage counseling and stuff, gives my daughter great peace, and me too.....I don't have much quit in me....so while part of me wishes I had cut it.....the bigger part knows it had to be as it was....I had to try as hard as I could......so in that space.....knowing at one time both attractions were fierce....and I am speaking to more than physical attraction......it was an attraction of totality both times.....those two instances being my strongest pulls.....and now.......neither of them are attractive to me at all.....that pull shattering, disappearing.....and my realizing that we evolve past what is attractive to us as we move along......and I suppose I write about this to acknowledge that my idea of what is attractive and what isn't is changing again......looking back, and finding some stuff I felt was attractive not all that long ago, so unattractive I can hardly believe it...............and how interesting is that??? To go from being so attracted to turned off in every way....and obviously when truth is shown that contributes to it....but it is more than that......I truly believe that what I am attracted to as I travel will look and feel different than it once did. My taste changing if you will:) And attraction is a mystery indeed.....why it comes.....how it comes.....how it evolves......how it stays......all of it.....and in both of the cases I referenced, those attractions spanned decades.....either from afar or from experiencing them in real life finally.....and yet......they are both completely gone.....forever.....my knowing so deeply that nothing would change that.......so attractive no more.......it happens, no matter what lived there before. And as I journey ahead......curious how this more deeply healed version of myself will experience dating, and romance in her future.......still feeling so damn proud of finally closing that one spot that had kept me stuck.......finding that final wound that needed my attention, hidden beneath the bigger ones, but the one keeping me stuck in stories I didn't belong in.......and it felt like I could finally see the wound in me that was still keeping me tethered. Sometimes we have things that happen within us, that can hide, even from ourselves......so while I know that I have more healing to do as I travel, I know so deeply the last 6 months have held a space for some deep wound clearing and that feels amazing:) Healing that needed to happen, and hey guess what, at some point I GET TO fall in love again:) How lucky am I:) so yea.......attractive no more...........and never again! Happy Tuesday:)