Battle.......

Since the moment my ex left battle lines were drawn......no longer on the same side in any way, and for any reason......and I could spend time listing all the reasons why but I won't....and it is disorienting to have a person that was previously on the same side as you, when it came to your children, suddenly not be some of the time......and well......our children are our fiercest and most beloved treasure in this life......hands down......a gift of the most enormous proportions, and I deeply believe they should be revered as such......and I was invited into battle yesterday......a battle I was hoping to avoid......doing my best to not ever be embroiled in anything like that.......but sometimes we don't get to decide what comes to find us.....and we only need to proceed in the space we have been given......and I have been preparing, and have been prepared for this particular battle I suppose from the beginning......knowing somewhere inside of me that it was inevitable.....even though I hoped I was wrong......and well....here we are. I have many more things I would much rather be spending my time, and resources on at the moment.....but likely nothing more important than this.......nothing more important....... And really ever since he left I have walked through many battlefields.......carrying my sword and shield......wielding it as needed......I have been under attack many times.....And I have learned to overcome what has found me with my peace and happiness in tact NO MATTER what......these battles are a small part of the fabric of myself and my life now......not given the space to affect my new life in a way that diminishes all I have fought for and worked so hard for.......but it is tiring to battle....I would be lying if I said otherwise.........I am battle worn some this morning......tired of so much of this......while at the same time feeling plenty strong, able bodied, and prepared to handle whatever comes......my mind and well being rock solid.......and being so strong comes at a price......it is the thing about me that makes me feel safe in this life.....knowing I can endure.....and face whatever comes my way and overcome it over and over.....and I don't say that to brag.....I really don't.......it is just a fact......I cannot take credit for it entirely.....it is how I am wired I think.....but damn if it isn't difficult......difficult to toil and toil....and toil some more, in the face of adversity that I did not ask for.......and again make no mistake, I am not a victim either......never.......it just is.......so here we are.......on either side of our battle lines.....and I am ready.........