Sometimes I get frustrated, or up in my head that I haven't quite gotten where I want to be..... yet.......the power of YET keeping my engines running......and knowing with a deep understanding, that all of my dreams will be mine some day....and if I keep working and keep moving.....and keep.........you get the idea, I will reach them.....and then I feel disrespectful thinking that to myself.....because WOW.....I have traveled a long ways....when I look back on the road I have left behind, and all the miles behind me it makes me gasp......sort of reminds me of a quest.....I have mentioned Zelda before....and obstacles have come to find me often......many of them......and tools have appeared to help me navigate them in the forms of people and tangible stuff.....and there have been many different phases of this journey.....some I would love to relive, and others so glad to never touch those spaces again......but I am becoming HER.....the HER I want to be in this chapter.....owning more of it, and working through the places I still need to, to achieve it all.......and it isn't easy.....I do my best to be as honest as I can about me, and my process, and the truth is I fall short a lot too....not quite getting there every day, but always striving to......and I am having some trouble finding my discipline for meditation lately.....I think because life has been a little intense, and my energy hasn't been there for it.....I have found myself fast asleep even earlier than usual for the last few weeks.....which is OK too....we all have rest times too......but the absence of it has been felt....and the kids and I haven't been in the woods as much either, and that has been felt....and it has just been the nature of our schedules, but I know how important both of those things are to helping my spirit feel calm and ease amid the stormy seas......I blew my leaves on Tuesday with my dad, without a mask and blew a whole bunch of stuff into my sinuses.....and it has been wreaking havoc ever since and I feel pretty cruddy at the moment.....but I got some meds yesterday and hoping to feel better soon.....but I guess what I am writing about this morning is the grace.....the grace we need to give ourselves.....and the credit....and the room...and the honesty to realize that ALL of it is OK.....the timing of every bit of it.....we are never too slow.....too late.....too fast.....too anything.....we just are ourselves....and the timing is just fine and perfect as it is......so fretting about any of it is futile.....so I am breathing extra deeply this morning......planning on meditating.....the gutter guy is coming to rid my gutters of leaves.....the kitchen is coming.....slowly but surely.....have some errands to run.....and just going to catch up and nourish my soul today.....and restore myself from this week.....it was a heavy one.....and I have for sure found that front loading reserves is the best way.....not the other way around....filling my cup and hanging with my kids is the order of the day:) Happy Saturday:)
jperuso
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