Better to be quiet ......

Right fighting is really the worst....and easy to get caught up in, especially if justice or a lack thereof comes a calling.....I find it intolerable in my new life to not keep the ledger current or say how I am feeling......having vowed to never stifle myself again, not ever.....but sometimes it is still better to be quiet than right.....and this week has tested me so often.....tested my willingness to take a breath and shut my mouth.....my understanding that what I have to say will not be received in the way that I intend.....and therefore is not worth expressing.......it will only cause more divide.....but damn it is hard sometimes.......especially when something is emotionally charged, and there is so much to say......just so much.....and so as I have been triggered in some of it, I have taken a step back to see the why?? I think that is a valuable place to put one's energy.....why is this poking me so much? What is it about THIS interaction that is so challenging, what else does it remind me of?? And I am in tricky territory with feelings of so much.......so I am finding more answers.....but am just grateful I stuck by my willingness to not say my piece.......I will get it out in other places....give it room to breathe.......but sometimes you have to accept being misunderstood.....Mads and I have this reel we love.....the little girl tells her dad that she made "Shamrocks" at school, she is a toddler and super cute....but it comes out as "Sam rocks", and as her dad repeats what he thinks she is saying back to her, her frustration escalates at not being understood for what she is actually saying.....and I feel like that too sometimes.....have so many people in my life that hear me, and understand me fully but other places where I don't feel that and it frustrates me.....I feel like the little girl in the video.......kicking my feet on the bed and feeling exasperated by it all......and a specific thing came up where I could have been baited and if I am honest it made me furious.....I was seething mad.....but still opted for not addressing it.....and I constantly go between the notion of airing stuff out and not continuing patterns of silence and sometimes just not feeling like it is worth it.....people can only understand you from the depth that they understand themselves....or seek to understand others.....and some people don't care a bit about understanding others......however I understand myself more deeply now for sure......and am quick to put myself in other's shoes to try and get some kind of vantage point.....and in this case the other space is running on emotion, high emotion that is clouding it all for them.....so I am choosing compassion for that instead of anger, despite how it makes me feel......this week is full of that I suppose......tomorrow finds me in another challenging showdown, an important one that I have been waiting on for awhile....a scheduled one........and I am hoping the communication flows and it is blessed with ease and not challenge.....but the energy out there right now is intense.....and I think most of us can feel it.....and keeping our wits about us amid that is crucial:) So deeply breathing longer today, and seeking silence over justice for today........I haven't felt good this week which has challenged me too, but that seems to be working itself out......we got this y'all:) There is power in silence too:)