Cacophony.........

I have likened my journey many times in my blog to a symphony.......this long symphony that takes place in the dash of our lives......and sometimes it is melodic......light.....happy and wonderful.......everything sounding so lovely, that you have to close your eyes to listen for a minute......letting the beautiful music fill your heart......and I suppose it is a good thing we do that........because it is what sustains us when the darker music finds us......the clashing of symbols, and when the dissonance takes hold......and every part of the symphony I have discovered.......is important.....crucial even......you cannot have the beautiful parts without the cacophonic noise........you just can't.......and the full moon that is illuminating us today has brought some noise to my symphony.......and I do not know how it will shake out......but I was called into my part very clearly......knowing what music I was wanting to play.....having to play even........and that attempting to avoid the discord this time would not work......was not the best thing for all parties involved......and sometimes you do have to crash the cymbals together in your own song......just stand there and bang them together for a moment to jolt it from status quo.....one that is no longer working.....and into a new key.....a new melody.....a new rhythm........a new part of that beautiful piece of music that is life.......and so here I am.......and the truth is I much prefer when my song is bouncing along in the melodic beauty space.....where I am standing with my hand on my heart feeling it all so deeply......eyes closed and deeply breathing, so exquisitely it can make me cry......the dissonant parts make me wildly uncomfortable.....and as it took it hold it struck me that maybe that was the point......while I feel it was right, just based on my beliefs and circumstances etc......it also is an opportunity for growth......boundary setting is still uncomfortable.....I still struggle with it.....I still seek to make everybody comfortable, and think of things from all angles, and will still sometimes sacrifice myself for the good of the group......and in this case I am standing up for others.....so that makes it easier somehow.......easier but not comfortable......and wow have I been uncomfortable MANY times in this story.....so many times I can hardly count.....I have learned to embrace the discomfort, and allow myself to breathe and feel it......and then allow it to propel me to grow......and despite the noisy sounds coming from the pit at the moment......I know it will only be a matter of time when the violins have their say, and the chimes......and the sax, or the trumpet, and the music will take on a completely different feel and vibe.....and I will revel in all of that, until the cymbals come again.........