Coparenting in silence.....

Anytime I see the term "coparent" I marvel at what that would be like....And maybe as this Mercury Retrograde is taking hold this month, it will take me on an Odyssey of the past....that is part of its energy.....so if you find yourself drifting to the past, you are not crazy lol:) And perhaps there is something back there you need to look at again...and that vibe certainly feels like it is in the air....I spend a lot of time focusing on my goals, and my own lane.....not looking back too often, but wanting to sometimes to see the span of road I have traveled.....and I feel that is so important.....that speaker I heard the other week said how it is a scientific fact that reveling in your accomplishments some, acknowledging them, is a psychologically healthy thing to do....aiding in joy and satisfaction, and I have been able to do that in this chapter, and I would concur:) It is not from pride or arrogance....it is from the place of knowing what it took to get from point A to point B because I lived it:) And my co parenting situation is so challenging....and really I wouldn't even call it that.....I parent on my own.....and he touches down in their story during his time with them, and does his own thing.....which I guess as I type this, gosh I love that aha that comes in a keystroke.....never gets old:) But I guess that was also like our marriage....we were divide and conquerors....a team in a certain way....but a disconnected one....not one that needed the other present to accomplish what we needed to.....and I will say that perhaps one of the heartaches I carry is not being able to share our children with him, parent to parent.....shoot him a text about something they did that was amazing....and something he might love too....as their father....it is so sad.....and senseless, and as I type that, it is still so strange that this is our reality....considering where we started....and our life as parents in the before.....it is so strange.....I am blessed to have others I can share those things with....but there is something about it being the person that is biologically connected that hits different.....and it is a choice he has made, for reasons I know, and some maybe I don't....and I accepted it awhile back....and silence as it stretches out, between people that once loved each other, sometimes gets louder as time goes on.....in a strange way....and our silence has been a strange experience for sure......and feels loud some days......And as 5 years approaches.....a big milestone I suppose....the silence of coparenting continues.....and yet....as with most things, I am grateful that he has had a certain level of respect for the relationship I have with our children.....knowing that I can handle it....and that their best interest is how I live my life....with that intention leading the way.....always....and I am grateful for that piece...the upside of the silence....the silver lining is his staying out of my lane too.....it is one of the pieces of this story that has taught me the great lesson of surrender.....letting go of what needs to be let go of to really live.....not harboring or suffering......releasing what causes my hands to bleed, and accepting a story as it is.....there are things I wish he knew as we approach 5 years in our new lives..... and there are so many things left unsaid.....and the things left unsaid, don't seem as important to say any longer.....my emotions connecting us long gone.....I tried a few times to write a letter to him.....one I wasn't going to give him, and never could get very far.....the magnitude of it all rendering me speechless to some degree....and it just occurred to me as I typed that, that it might be a healing thing to do on this anniversary....5 years....and burn it.....I am planning on hosting a ladies event with some of my favorite ladies to commemorate the milestone....have a dressy holiday soiree:) And really the takeaway is that we never know how our lives will unfold....what will happen.....what actions those we love will choose.....what circumstances we will be forced to learn to live in....but we can choose how we show up in a story....where we place our focus.....our energy.....the beauty of our spirit....and really that is all that matters:) Happy 11/11! My lucky numbers indeed! Plan on meditating on some magical intentions this morning:) Enjoy the day:)