Court today.......

This journey has brought me to the court house more than once in the last 4 plus years.....that sorta is the nature of the divorce journey.....however today I am being brought there for a different reason.....Today is a long awaited hearing related to guardianship for my boy.....and I am glad we have arrived here.......I have wanted to get this behind us......so today we will......I am confident that I will be awarded the title of Gabe's guardian this morning.....due to the evidence I had to gather to support the fact that he needs me to be his guardian, it would be shocking if it went another way......however it is heavy to be having to deem him unfit to care for himself in a court of law.......while he is there to hear it......and it is not a small thing......it is a restrictive arrangement, no question......he is 18, an adult for all intents and purposes....but he isn't......I still have to oversee so many of the parts of his life and care, so he stays healthy and well......and safe......above all else it is a safety concern......Gabe needs me to manage his finances, and all parts of his life as he ages, so that he is not taken advantage of, or harmed in any way.......so that will be what this morning is about.....and I have such mixed emotions about it.....part of me feeling so relieved that we are here.....that the court date is today, and we can move beyond it, and knowing so deeply that it is the right thing for my boy.....but another part that grieves for him, and his independence some, and the understanding that the responsibility for him is not for the faint of heart.....it is an awesome responsibility......one that I shared with another human at one time, and now I don't......not in the same way, and now it falls all on me, the lion's share of the care of a special boy.....and taking care of Gabe has never felt like a burden.....never....and still doesn't......but as he becomes an adult the awareness is finding me of all that means.....and the responsibility that will live with me likely all of my days to a certain degree......and as I have said many times.....from the first day I met him.....watching him fight for his life in his incubator......wires covering his tiny face.....I vowed that I would do anything I needed to....anything......to help him live and thrive.....having that awareness find me as the tears blurred my vision.......and well....today is a part of that......I am his person.....his ride or die......it is the right decision to appoint me his guardian this morning.....and it will be another layer of protection for Gabe....and allow me to protect him as he becomes a man.....as I have since that first day, so long ago.....I am ready to do the thing this morning, and check another box for Gabe, and his care:) He and his sister are also my ride or die, they truly are......they have my back so fiercely, and so completely that it brings tears to my eyes when I think of it......being loved by them is a gift to my life......and I will always be right here for them.....always....wish us luck! Another chapter begins.....xoxo