December.......

This has been the most challenging month for me this year I think.....Spring was rough too, but this month feels like a lot....and there is a grief that has taken hold in me some for the holiday season.....the holiday season is my favorite......getting together with family and friends, and Holiday Partying it, and doing all sorts of fun holiday stuff.....and the kids and I snatched some of that up.....Koziar Christmas Village..... Breakfast With Santa, and Whoville....and we have one more holiday adventure brewing......but the holidays haven't felt the same for me since 2018.....a couple of holiday seasons clouded by the affair and Covid.....and then he left right after the New Year......we spent a couple of them in quarantine......and just sigh.......it makes me yearn for a season of old......I used to entertain our family here and friends.....busting out all my Christmas platters, and entertaining pieces.....under the glow of my many trees and just revel in it all.....and I miss it if I am honest......I love all of that stuff......and I know I am in a season of my life at the moment......a different one....not a lesser one......but the holidays sometimes bring up stuff in a different way for us to look at.....and I am hopeful that next year's holiday season, with my kitchen complete, and hopefully a more settled set of circumstances, will find me doing my normal revelry.....Or a different and better version of it.......For the moment I am just breathing.....and accepting what December has brought to the table....remembering that peace comes in the acceptance not the fight.....sometimes stuff just is.....and that is how I feel right now.....Lots of balls in the air, lots of pieces of my life going, and I need to trust that they will all land in the exact space they need to be......I am sure if you are reading this that perhaps you have felt the presence of December in your life too.....or maybe the last couple of months........the energy that is out there......I am learning that being quiet in certain situations is best.....not in a way that stifles my heart or feelings.....but in a way that protects my heart and feelings.....speaking to deaf ears is a futile act......and people can only understand you to the extent that they understand themselves......so I am opting for silence in some spots too.....keeping my sentiment to myself......I am nearly fully ready for the holiday....I will spend this weekend being fully ready....I am looking forward to Christmas break, and using it to get my home back in order......restoring order post renovation:) And this next week could find me in my new kitchen, eeek!!! So I am acknowledging the presence of the grief that is stirring and not looking away.....the way to healing is by feeling I have learned.....all of it.....and so I do.....while also looking closely at my blessings because they are plentiful.......so I look forward to a New Year and the promise found there too! :) 2025 I am ready for ya! Happy Wednesday:)