Deep middle aged chick stuff.....

I have always been this deep nerdy kinda chick;-) I have luckily fit in with folks...mostly....and had lots of motley crew friend groups over the years that were loving and supportive and felt like home.....and lots of great friends that have gotten me in the most lovely ways......but there is a part of me that has, and I am guessing maybe always will feel like a loner of sorts.....and being given this unique time I have had to go within has really been so huge for my life.....I cannot stress that enough......I am not a fan of small talk or gossip as much as I am of exploring the depths of others....and what makes them them tick.....seeking to do "real" talk with folks.....not surface level fluff talk.....and discover what lies beneath their Lowes or Home Depot persona lol:) So since I have been isolated some in this chapter.....spending lots of time alone, it has afforded me the time and space to swim within myself in a way that is hard to do if you are not in my situation.......going on a quest to discover who I am.....like really......it is not a chance all people get to have in middle age when you have some more wisdom in tow......and maybe especially when you are married and navigating any things that come up due to your being with your person for awhile by now or you are focused on your relationship......or on autopilot some, like I used to be.....but I do think middle age comes with a certain number of moments to soul search and a certain freedom to discover so much about ourselves.....no matter our circumstance, if that is something our hearts long for.......and I say all of this and share some of this again to say that the work I have done to KNOW myself, like really now pays off always.......especially in situations when somebody is trying to project or deflect or rattle me from that......or try to spin a narrative that is not mine.....I have never known so deeply who I am.....never and who I want to be in the future......and the only reason I am so clear on that is due to all the time I have spent figuring that out.....and doing the challenging work that has come with the storms I have weathered the last decade.....but much more in the last 5 years....and I have been given some gifts along my spiritual journey to help myself learn to know myself better....and helps me understand the world around me.....and I also think it is why I love working with people so much also.....the kids in my class.....or my coaching clients......discovering more about people and all the layers we all carry......the human condition is deeply fascinating to me....my own and all of those around me...and I will continue to revel in the human condition and support people's journeys.....both my own and those of all the people I meet:)