Discovering.......

Discover is another word I like a lot.....the connotation attached to it is lovely....and when we think of the word discover we often attach it to being young or to young children......but I have found that my journey has had much to do with discovering....discovering my self......discovering what lies within.....and also discovering more life lessons happening around me......my mom was here organizing Madeline's room while I was staining the deck yesterday and it was such a huge help, and I appreciated it so much.....multi tasking at its finest:) But something came up and we got talking and the magnitude of all of the big stuff that has happened to me ......along the way in my life.....and when it hits me it is never in the spirit of feeling sorry and I don't stay in that awareness too long......but it is an acknowledgement that my life.....for reasons unknown.......has been more challenging than some, or most depending on the circle you reside in......while simultaneously being wildly blessed too......and EVERYBODY has stuff......no question.....and comparing or any of those types of things is pointless......and truthfully it doesn't occur to me to do that often.......but sometimes stuff comes up, that makes me wish things would, or had been easier some......the trials I have faced have changed me, and molded me into the place I am now.....and on most days I am truly grateful for the lessons and the richness that has found my life.....you also don't get to live that rich deep life with just surface fluff finding ya lol:) So I guess it is a trade off.....and I guess it has all come to me this morning because part of what has happened as a result is this deep resolve in me.......a strong determination to do whatever I set my mind to......and staining my two huge decks yesterday on my own was in line with that......a BIG accomplishment for me, and something new to be learned......and walking through the fires have strengthened my willingness to dig in....honing that part of me each time. And when I think back to the first big thing that found me I felt lost and weaker in it.....floundering around like a fish on shore.....;-) but each time I have gotten better and better and more comfortable navigating it all....Mads said to me yesterday most times you act like a girl, but today you are acting like a boy lol:) And that was the awareness that this discovering came from......discovering new parts of me, and new capabilities borne out of necessity, but also helping to bolster my confidence in my new life......because when you are on your own there is a place that needs to feel secure in that.....and I think that is what drives me......and keeps me so laser focused and determined....both physically and mentally, and working financially toward continuing to be more and more comfortable....and it feels good. Good to discover new places and pieces.....and keep moving forward and growing:) As for today I am skipping my workout, which I rarely do.....yesterday's all day staining extravaganza finds me feeling like I was run over by a steam roller:) But it is that good kinda sore! The one that happens after good work got done! Happy Thursday:)