Disgust, solitude, AND JOY!......

I had the most amazing weekend, creating coziness, and warmth for my kids and I....and for our guests this holiday season:) And part of it was to sort of balance the feeling of disgust that has been bubbling up as of late......it is a heavy emotion, and unpleasant, but I think very necessary all things considered....I am not dwelling in that place, but I am acknowledging the FEELING of it.....the way it feels to finally fully understand the places where I gave my power away.....and what I allowed.....and taking a hard look at who those that did REALLY are.....not looking away from the stark truth....and it is not easy....on Saturday I did my video about my "superpower" which is to show others their superpower! My favorite thing......but it is deeper than that, it is that seeing of another human that I have spoken of....it isn't wishful thinking or coming from a naive place...it is truly SEEING.....like I was given special glasses....seeing beyond the bullshit.....beyond the insecurities....the bravado....all of it and I can see right inside of them....and I have to say, most people are really beautiful at their essence and core.....even if they do hurtful things.....I can attest to that....and maybe that is what it is, less of a disgust and more of a grief.....at having them give in, give in to their outer shell.....and not connecting with their spirit in the ways they needed to....but I guess despite all of that....I think I need to be in touch with the disgust too...and move through that....and continue to forgive and move forward.....which is what I do on any given day...not holding those things inside of me.....feeling and releasing on repeat....because hanging onto emotional turmoil, will make you sick....it will.....I believe that and have seen it too many times......and I also feel my solitude showing itself....realizing how often I spend alone....or with my kids and no grown ups...and it has been an important time....and to be honest it is my preference most of the time....and that is not to say that I don't love people or social stuff, I do:) But there is a certain comfort that has taken over my life that makes solitude feel cozy.....and again I guess it is in the acceptance of these things where real power lies....But I am disgusted by some of the things that have been done to me....I would be lying if I said otherwise...and I am tired of coming across people that are capable of those kinds of things....and feeling as if doing all of the work I have to evolve my life and internal state that attracting such folks is a thing of the past.....I don't find the same things attractive for sure...and when I think of where I was this time last year, I feel like I would have to reintroduce myself.....my growth game being strong and growing me out of the places where I don't belong.....I have a busy week ahead, and find it hard to believe that Thanksgiving is next week! I am hosting which makes me happy:) I am excited! I am sore from all I did this weekend this morning lol:) My legs and arms from bin carrying up and down the stairs and all the rest.....but deeply satisfied....realizing so fully that THIS life, THIS one.....has been one of my own creation and willingness.....and feels perfect for me:) Happy Monday! Hope today is a great one!:)