Enough!

That is a funny word......and it is a decision not an amount.....it really is.....The last couple of months have really opened my eyes to some things.....and some big things, and patterns that live deep inside of me, that need to change if I want the life I want up ahead.....and there is one thing that was hiding out in my subconscious, and it has come out of the shadows.....making its presence known.....and now that I see it in the light of day.....not lurking in the shadows, I cannot unsee it......no way back to the version of me that did not know it was standing there all along.....and well....that is the point right? To find the things that live within us, that are limiting us, or holding us back and solve them, finally:) And something about my birthday made that even more clear.....and gosh my birthday was lovely....so much loving on me, and it felt so lovely and so appreciated:) And so something about rolling into another year.....standing at a beginning again for me......this year for me, until my next birthday....and I have no tolerance for carrying this pattern with me, not even for one single second.....I am in full disgust mode, and the feeling of this has "Got to GO!" It is ENOUGH.....and it is something that has caused me great suffering, unconsciously.......but now consciousness has joined the party, and now we can get some work done:) Because what I have found when you change yourself and your life so completely....the old patterns and stuff that binds you can suck you in so quickly, or call you back, and you can follow without even realizing you are doing it.....like sleepwalking?? Does that make sense....like pretty soon you are back in a place where you swore you would never be again......and life is like that......circling us back round and round, until we get off the merry go round and do our work and figure it out......and draw the line in the sand.....and say, hey I will never be that way again.....and this piece I have uncovered, I have been aware of to some degree....but not in the way I am now....some other layers have joined the awareness and now I totally get it.....get where it came from.....get why I carried it for nearly 50 years, get it fully......but now it is fully enough........in every way....I am done with this part of me.....and I am leaving it here.....walking on to my birthdays ahead with this in the rearview.....shedding another piece, allowing me to craft and continue to live the life I wish, and one that I love.....and it is liberating in all the best ways.....it feels really good to be in this place....I know we move and evolve when we can.....and that it is all working for our greater good. Truly......So today feels like a fresh start.......a new place to begin from my birthday yesterday and walking my way to a new era of me:) Can't wait to see what I find:)