Et Tu Brute????

This morning finds me horrified some.....in the deepest places a person can be.....the ones that come carrying betrayal of a person that you trusted, loved, and believed in so completely.....I was led to uncover a rabbit hole of sorts last night, I truly believe I was meant to see all that I did.....needed to as a part of the story that has been unfolding for me in recent months and as a new era in my life begins.....I had written about falling in love in this chapter.....with somebody that I spent years getting to know.....a person I have known most of my life......and long distance and timing were wrought throughout....amid some other complicated places.....but it was known within my heart and soul, that at some point the story would need to see its way through all of that.....and it did......and we spent a couple of magical times together last fall......and gave it a go.......and then after the new year there was a shift felt.....some alarms going off for me based on things I learned at the end of my marriage......deceptive stuff entering in and there was a proclamation that was so perplexing, and it became clear we were not headed in the same direction......and in March I decided to choose my needs....and my worth, and the fact that I needed much more than what this was offering any longer......and I walked away from it some......but as is the case with things that run deep it needed time to be undone.....not so simple.....and so since that time the undoing has been unfolding.....and I have been so confused at his behavior in all of it over the last few months, and as the reconciliation of it unfolded.....but I have held fast to my truth in it.....and my instincts.....my intuition, all of it.....not letting any of it be derailed by defensive behavior and deflection.....knowing so deeply that that is a TELL of epic proportions.....but there was a head scratching part for me.....trying to reconcile the behavior I was witnessing with what I witnessed between us when we were sunbeam strollin with one another.......and well......last night that all became abundantly clear.....and the stark realization of it all came to find me......and this blog entry is not to hash out the sordid details.....and this will be the last entry I will devote to this, and give my energy to him and this.....but this morning finds me actually really good considering it all.....I did not sleep much, but that is what happens when shock and awe finds you......but what I do have the benefit of this morning is my growth and clarity leading the way in ways I never had the benefit of before......realizing some powerful things now in this chapter that insulate me from all that I read last night.......and those truths are these.....what took place had nothing to do with me......nothing......my actions speak for me, and the sincerity of them.....and his speak of him.......my instincts and intuition are SO strong now.....and this was a lesson in fiercely trusting them no matter what my heart was saying.....and well.....last night confirmed that so completely........I was SPOT ON in all of what I was expressing so completely, as if I knew the other stuff without fully realizing I did, by following my instincts so fully.....and love is never wasted, even if it is given to somebody that proves to not appreciate and honor it for the gift that it was.....that is true.......and the awareness that this story was mine to walk in despite all I uncovered is so apparent......a part of this karmic break I am living in now.....shattering cycles within my life to have them never repeat again......closing a door on a chapter of my experience here that is over, and not personally taking any of this ick on......and the realization that I TRUST the journey so completely.......so fully.....that this does not rattle me in the way it once would have......having no urge to attempt to "understand"......because that is futile.....a complete waste of my energy and time.....not getting caught in the drama of any of it.......I got magical stuff to do after all;-) I am never less fascinated by the complexity that lives within the human psyche......finding it absolutely startling, and scary sometimes if I am honest lol:) but knowing so deeply that where I lead from is love......always......and truth......and that love that I offer my people is pure.....honest......true.....loyal.....all of those things and more....and while to date I have not shared that with a "worthy" partner.....one that matches those things with me, I will NEVER lose hope and faith that I will find HIM:) Never.......one would think that I would give up, especially after this......but see the thing is there is NO QUIT in me.....and certainly not for the things I want in this life......and not for LOVE:):) One of the most magnificent things we get to experience as humans:) And for me it makes sense that this lesson is in the older part of my story where it started after my divorce, and that I outgrew it, out vibrated it, out all of it, and it is ready to fall away completely and fully.....as I close the door on it for good.......I will still appreciate the gifts it gave me.....because that is who I am....and because it absolutely was meant to give me certain things.....and the entire thing wasn't one way.....so I will be appreciative of that.....and also look to the gifts and lessons it is leaving in its wake......there is a sadness again though, if I am honest.....in wishing that this person saw himself as I did......and lived in that space......my forever seeing the light that lives in people regardless of the rest of their story.....my superpower:) And perhaps one of the best things about me.....so while horror is still swirling around, so is validation, and vindication.....and a better understanding at what the last 6 months or so held.......and I am not sorry to know the truth.......I wish him well on his journey.....hoping he figures out these things that keep him stuck......trapped in narratives I truly believe he doesn't want to live in....having seen what I did.........but ones that are going to require some real commitment to change.....but whatever he does is on him.....I am open to his explanation but not holding onto the need of that......that will happen if it is meant to too.....and he knows how to do that, but I don't close this door with anger, or bitterness, or any of those things.....this doesn't have the power to rob my peace in a real sense.....I have cemented that so deeply in for sure......at one point he was my best friend, my person so completely.....so yea....."Et tu Brute".............and life carries on........Amen xox0 Thank you God for your divine protection - I am so fiercely protected and blessed and the gratitude I have for that fact has no bounds.......🙏🏻