I have a pretty complicated and intense situation running behind the scenes of my life....a situation that has found me estranged from somebody for the time being, and for quite sometime....something that has been both surprising and shocking, the estrangement part .....but at this point seems to be the only way...I keep trusting that timing will work its way into the story, and make it make sense or resolve or not.....I receive a lot of pressure both indirectly or directly to "solve it" when I don't believe I caused it at all, and it is not my issue to solve, and I had tried at the beginning of this story to not find our way here.....but what isn't so understood is the level of pain it causes me....because it has to do with my boy.....somebody said awful things about him, did not give him grace and understanding, and was just cruel......and it has left me with not much else to say or do as it stands.....there has been no attempt to rectify it either from the other end, and so it just sits there......it is in the category of one of those random things that found me in this story, and in the aftermath and that I just don't get......So the pressure is building again because of the discomfort it brings out in other people.....and sometimes I just wish they understood better how I feel.....acting as if I they do in the moment, but still seeking the outcome they wish for the situation.....however I am comfortable standing in my part of the story....I have had it validated by my therapist, and so many I have consulted, and I am handling it the best I can.....but I bring it up to say you just never know.....with anybody.....how things will go.....everything people do comes from their internal process......their life experience....their vantage point......and can cause a cascade of unintended things......I truly wish a magic wand was on hand to solve this situation.....easily and readily.....but there just isn't.....and there is so much more to say but I will leave it here......we have to be willing to lay down boundaries that preserve our mental health no matter the circumstance....and not be guilted into unnecessary suffering.....and I know that the people in the peripheral don't see the suffering I would endure if I just sucked it up and moved forward......but I would......and it just isn't fair.....plus sometimes once you see something, it is hard to unsee.....so I pray for a place of reconciliation, and change and a way through this story......hoping that one day it finds its way to resolution......and I have faith in the timing of it all too......as I do the rest of it....I am not working on other's timeline about it......only my own.....I love from afar and protect my loved ones......and hope for the best each and every day........sometimes accepting what is, in a moment is the best you can do......xo
jperuso
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