FREE as a bird......

It is funny....independence has always spoken to me....I speak of it often, loving the feeling of being independent some in my own life....but the truth is I have spent much of my life tethered.....in one way or another....and while I have spent the last almost 5 years, since my divorce FREE, and single for all intents and purposes.....I wasn't fully.....tethered to a person and a place I did not belong in anymore.....so now that I have taken the knife and cut my tethered ankle free fully, I can FINALLY be FREE....and stay that way. Never feeling tethered again. Or I should say never engaging in relationships that make me feel stuck, but don't go to the places I want them to fully.....with unhealthy dynamics that do not serve me.....and hindsight is a beautiful thing right....too bad it can't be there when you need it;-) but I now see it all so clearly....and that is good. Understanding the how and why I was there....still feeling so fully that it is what was meant for me at the time, and for the duration that it was....and I needed to walk through its entirety.......and the thing is healing is not linear....it is round.....a circle we walk......healing the parts of us that betray us....and put us in situations that maybe aren't the best for us....and each time we walk the circle we close it some:) That is the cool part....the walk doesn't take as long.....parts of the circle close for good as it grows smaller.....and each time I have walked in this loop.......THIS theme of my life, it has been a shorter walk to reach its end....it has been a different version, evolved some, and this time I have reached the center of that circle.....I KNOW that so completely.....because the healing and in some cases healed version of myself did not attract the last situation.....she stayed stuck due to love and faith that it would evolve too....and it just didn't, and well then the deception began to live there too....so it couldn't, and I took my leave......but having not attracted something when you are the version you want to be, need to be, it just won't work.....so THIS version of me....could not attract what I just left behind......it wouldn't work now. At all......Because the more I am meditating, which I am daily.....I am so convinced we are vibrational creatures....our energy attracting our experiences......and once we level out of things that once seemed to be one way......seeing them with different eyes, because our energy doesn't support it, we can't go back. I mentioned I walked away in March, but the vibrational difference began to be felt around January.......the contrast showing up.....our once energetic vibing becoming dissonance......and that was my clue.....being so used to feeling so good in this chapter, and when that wasn't so any longer, I realized what had to be done, and for the first time in my life I did it, in a timely fashion:) Not lingering for reasons that didn't make sense.....because my north star now is my self worth.....I am a woman, finally, that knows what I want......what I deserve, my worth....and will never settle......my daughter is also watching....and she will have enough ghosts to slay one day due to all that has happened with our divorce, and her dad leaving and that story.......so, my commitment is fierce that she will only see me loved well, and when love finds me again, it will be one that will show her the way......the model of what she should seek.....and if that never arrives, I won't be lowering the bar......EVER........so this morning finds me feeling fully FREE......nothing tethering my heart, my mind, my spirit......feeling the distinct pleasure of living life on my terms.....and in my own way....and feeling the clarity of where I have been....and where I want to be:) Yesterday I got some great news at my doctor's office, a situation not being like I had thought, so that felt amazing:) And as I go into this weekend, I am catching my breath, and breathing easy.....ready to enjoy the sunshine with my kids:) Happy Friday:)